I am a parent of four kids - an adult daughter, a college age son, a 16 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. It is my daughters who have been "out of control" emotionally and on a rampage in our home.
Reflect on your sons behavior. #1. Is it to get his way simply because he is determined to get what he wants? #2. Or is it to get your attention because he does not play with you or talk to you enough?
#1. I recommend a book titled "Backtalk: 4 Steps to Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids" It is an easy read and very practical. Also you can make a "snap jar" Put $5 worth of quarters in the jar. When you son yells or or is rude, say "SNAP", and remove a quarter. Each Sunday morning give him the money that is left in the jar. This is not payment for being good. What this does is cause your son to begin to hear himself. Make sure you are consistant. If he keeps going say "SNAP" again...the money can disappear fast. (Ignore any "I don't cares" because in a few weeks of getting some of the change, he will care. Just make sure he has a little bit left those first few weeks so he can begin to see the benefit. NOW here is the trick, if YOU yell he can call "SNAP" on you and you have to put 50 cents IN the jar. Fair is fair. The entire family needs to speak with respect.
In a book call "How to be a Hero to Your Kids" Josh McDowell says, "If you have a choice between the rules and the relationship, choose the relationship." I understand that completely now that I have raised four children.
#2. Play monology or card games. Right after he puts on his pjs - surprise him by going to for ice cream. (Just let him walk inside with his long pj pants on.) Take him to an arcade at the mall...and stay together play games with him or watching him play. Ask God to help you wake up each day with the question, "How can I show my son I love him today?" God is creative he will remind you and show you ways to build a sweet relationship with your son.
God bless you.
Coco www.thisisnew.net
Aug 18, 2008
Time for a private talk outside of the house by: Mandy
Hi Kevin, Have you tried talking to your boy one on one? I mean just you and him - Father and son. Find out more about his life at school and you may possibly find out somethings. While its normal for many boys at his age to act out, it can be tremendously tough for their parents.
I do think perhaps your son could be trying to get your attention. Many a times, may it be negative or positive, a child will try all means just to get the attention of their parents. By this, i mean undivided time alone with him. Or perhaps bring him out to play basketball or watch a game together on weekends. Boys always has a need to get the approval of their dads.
