What do I do about my 29 yr old stepson living with us?
by Wendy
(Pittsburgh, PA)
I have been with my husband for 15 years. We have different parenting styles but since we did not live together while our kids were you it was never an issue. We have now been living together for 4 years and married for 3. His adult children are a huge problem. The oldest is 32 and the youngest is 29. The oldest is on social security because of a car accident, but if you ask me it goes way deeper. As a high school kid he had a really bad LSD trip and that was the beginning, then still in high school he started a fight at a party and was beat repeatedly in the head with a beer tap, several years later he was in a head on car accident. He is not right on a good day, but when he drinks he is out of control. NO ONE can control him ever. He drinks a lot from what I understand he was in jail for beating up his girlfriend but of course it was not his fault, the same way the 3 DUI's he got in a year were not his fault. Now he has a protection from abuse order from his girlfriend and every other weekend we have to pick up his kids and he and his new girlfriend (which I hear he is beating)and his kids come over from 9 am -7:30 pm. This is just the tip of the iceberg but I wanted you to have an understanding of what I'm dealing with. Now we have the youngest, he was sent away at 17 for theft, I had high hopes when he came home, but he was back to his old ways. He got a free ride to art school (he is very talented). To make a long story short, he wants to do nothing! He has totaled 5 cars NONE of which he paid for, he works intermittently, lived in filth (until he moved into our house) he has a 5 year old that he has only paid child support for for about a year now. He has been known to do some pretty hard drugs. When his brother was in jail for beating up his girlfriend he stole $400 and put his nephews and their mother in mortal danger, simply because the guy he stole from showed up at her house she sent him to his house and he put a gun to my stepson's head. But he thinks all of this is funny and cute. He always says please and thank you, I know how much of an inconvenience this is, but does he? This has been going on sine he was 17. Now he is living in our basement, rent and board free. Has not lifted a finger to find a job (I used to do everything but go on the interview. I don't anymore) He complains about being bored so I try and give him something to do and he says no that's ok. His father says he has given him only 4 months to get his act together...but I know my husband and he will not kick him out. The more I say, the more he sticks up for him. He still tries to tell me they are just kids, and ALL kids do this. I know they don't because I have a 24 year old who was more mature and responsible than his kids at 14 years old. My son, I think is a "typical" kid. I have to ask him 10 times to take out the garbage, and clean his room, but he also goes to school during the day and works 32 hours a week.
What can I do? It's getting to the point where I'm going to have to tell him it is me or them. I LOVE my husband we are great together, but I did not sign up for this!
