Okay, my husband's son is 10. His ex-wife is making everything messy! (the divorce) The ex has his son trained to not like me. Believe me before his son and I used to have a great time! (the first year, it's been almost 4) Since she has a lawyer and we dont, she gets the upper hand in EVERYTHING. It's actually come to the point of me not wanting to see him--his son--anymore b/c he lied not once but twice and called children and youth and said I was a bad mother. The inspectors laughed it off and said our house is imaculate and we are great parents. The custody arrangement states the parents switch every other major holiday... Well '08 X-mas he was with his mom, and of course '09 X-mas he is with his mom again. B/c of her wonderful lawyer nothing can be discussed the my Husband's son... i.e. his feelings towards the divorce, visitation arrangement, and custody (I think when he gets to a certain age he can pick who he wants to live with). Well we were walking to the center square of our town to watch the Xmas tree lighting ceremony and ond the way back to the house I asked him if HE knew what he was doing for Christmas... he said "My mom needs to this year b/c of the parties we are going to with my cousins." I said ok, the asked if the made him upset. He said it did. I then asked him "why don't you ask you mom to see you father on Xmas or at least Xmas eve?" He said he didn't know that's what "mom" said. I had told him "You know we are going to miss you... Daddy and I. That makes us feel sad b/c you cant see us on Xmas." Before dropping him off at his mom's house, my husband asked him "Is there anything you wasn't to discuss before we go in?"--we have had problems in the past where he will come running home to mommy and tell her everything she wants to hear even if its lies(i.e. Children and Youth). He said no so they hugged and kissed and his son went inside. Before we could make it down the block his ex wife is SCREAMING on the phone that I made him talk about custody and all this! (While he was BAWLING in the back ground) My husband and I are both ready to throw in the towel. Since he is spending more time with his mother he has become nastier and nastier to the both of us. He doesn't even give me a hug anymore when my husband and I drop him off! I wish it could be like the old times where his son and I used to have SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER, but until he is old enough to understand the situation... it wont be. My husband's ex said HE was the reason hurting his child when honestly its been his ex the whole time.
Hope this helped!
Comments for
Step Son Driven to Hate Me by His Mother
My Step Son takes out all his mom issues on me. by: Truly
My husband and I have been married for four years now. My step son is six, and my husband and I have two boys who are two and a half and six months. Step son's mother is in and out of his life with men in and out of hers. She is now pregnant with her third child and is in the longest relationship she has ever had (6 months). My step son is a brilliant boy and I love him but I know what everyone is saying about it being hard and not wanting him around sometimes. He takes out everything on me. Every time his 'Mom" isn't there to get him on her visitation(we now have primary custody) He hates me for being in his life. And luckily for us he learned from the disney chanel and his mom's translation of what they were watching that if I weren't there his dad would be with his mom and I could be married to her boyfriend(they weren't together when she got pregnant, and he was 2 when we got married) Anyway, I want to say all of this is given and it does happen, usually kids grow out of it(I've heard) and it has gotten better for us. Our lawyer has done wonders!!! and if she is not letting you see him that is considered contempt of court and she can get in big trouble!! Same goes for the phone calls. I really recommend fighting for as much custody as you can get and they can actually make it so that you she can't keep you from the child allowing you to build trust. If you want some step mom to step mom advice I recommend treating him as more of a nephew than a son while you only have visitation. It keeps you from getting emotionally strained trying to raise someone who doesn't live in your home. Be involved, and Never Never Never talk about his mom. When mine says my mom said you lied, I usually say maybe your mom didn't understand what I was saying, Phrases like that totally earn trust, because even though He takes his anger out on me for what she does he talks to me about it eventually rather than talking to her of his dad. Good Luck everyone!!
Dec 04, 2011
Don't take it any longer by: Karin
The stepson is hurting more than anyone else in this situation. So for his sake and your own, you and your husband should agree to have the lad no longer stay with you. This may hurt the father but to live with a child so hateful to you is impossible and may lead to your having a breakdown. Quite possibly the boy will appreciate you when he is no longer under your roof. So take steps likely scenario: * The mother of the boy when you hand him to her on a platter, does not want him. * You insist that she take him because you tell her that she reckons you are unsuitable to care for him anyway. * She is likely to take him. * She will change her mind soon after and beg you to have him at your own on former terms, she is too selfish to really want him permanently. * You refuse to have him back, but he can stay for a day or 2 on holidays,but then back to the spiteful mum. * Your husband will baulk after some time and ask that you have his son under your roof. * Tell him make a choice it's your son or me. * The son will also beg to stay with you again,but refuse.
Jul 01, 2011
I am 25 been a step mother from the age of 16.NEW by: Anonymous
I got with my husband in Jan. I was 16!! He was 21 my SS was 5 needless to say I met him about a month after dating very smart even in areas shldnt be known, the 1st day i met the "other woman" and SS she had knockd on door unexpectantly and as soon as door opens she pointed to the hallway and said "go to ur room" (she didnt know i was there) SS Im at my daddys now u cant tell me what to do! so yeah it only got "better" lol from there! My ss is 12 almost 13 now we had him a very fair share of time more than court ordered and paid cs and helped with school items! but i realized as time went on it only got worse, after 3 yrs we became preg. with our now 4 yr old son and when she found out she had the nerve to ask my husband if he would sign his rights over now that he'll have his own family? yea we do and the ss is a very big part of it!! well 4 yrs later she actually found a man to stay with so to speak now has kids by 2 other diff. men and since shes married she believes shes "better" and has the authority over him and has even kept ss from us and now started tryin to "brianwash" him sayin we dont call just bc she wont answer or hes "never there" or that hes "mad at us and dont wanna come" but never lets us talk to him except when she wants! for the last year we have rarely seen or talkd to him we got custody of my sd and every since then she always says, my son should always come first we dont do for ss like we do for our children at home.... but she wont let us!! we try getting, and helping! and she just uses it against us to make it look like we arent even trying!! everyweekend before this last yr was alwayz an argument or a run around game never could be just a set time or place, we would start getting phone calls at 6-7am for us to get him knowing we worked or went to school and when wed get him we never knew how long we were gona have him maybe for our weekend or however longer she decieded.. SHE DECIEDS EVERYTHING!! well i put a stop to the jumpin when she says when we got married 2 1/2 yrs ago before then i felt it wasnt my place! and my life has been hell on wheels! sometimes I dont think i can even do it anymore my husband is finally over it and told her when hes allowed to see or talk to his son she knows his #!! I hope we are doing the right thing! i believe ss knows we try and dont want it to b like this but theres nothing else we can do!
May 17, 2011
I have a similar problemNEW by: Anonymous
I have a 7 year old ss. DH and I have been together for over 5 years/married for 4. DH and BM split when she was 2 months pregnant. We have never spoken ill of her in his presence or while he is in our home, ever. We believe that if there is anything about her that he needs to learn that he will have to develop an opinion for himself. She doesn't appear to share the same sentiment and we are constantly hearing how "mommy talks bad about daddy and calls him bad words that I can't say." We tell him that it's not nice for her to do that but we can't stop her. Now it's gotten to the point lately where he doesn't even acknowledge my existence. I'm the adult so I just let it go and hope that it will wear off eventually and we can have the relationship we used to. However, I am finding it harder to suck it up. We have my ss every other weekend from school dismissal on Friday until school arrival Monday and then two days a week. I am a stay at home mom of our 2 year old daughter. I pick my ss up from school and take him the next Monday. We also have him every other week during the summer. On BM's weeks he goes to daycare all day but on our weeks he stays with me. Last night DH took SS back to BM's house after scheduled time here and was told that for the past 6 months ss has been telling her that I have told him over and over that I don't want him here anymore. I have never and would never say any such thing to a child. He also told her that when he gets into trouble that we don't allow him to play with his 2 year old sister. This is partially true and DH explained to her that when he hurts his younger sister, whom he outweighs by about 50 pounds, that he has to sit in timeout and he's not allowed to play with her until she wants to. BM told DH that we aren't allowed to tell him he can't play with his little sister and DH said that we most certainly can protect her when he harms her. His teacher has told them both that he doesn't interact well with children in his class. He has two older siblings at BM's house who did the same to him. We don't want our daughter to think that is appropriate interaction between siblings. He has hurt her many times and I feel bad for her because she remembers it and she runs away she's afraid of him. SS has told us many things that go on at BM's but we don't talk to her about them anymore because when DH would bring them up she would have my ss tell DH that he lied to us and that never happened. So, he's manipulating and making us look bad. He just got done yesterday telling me how much nicer I am than BM. So, I told DH that I am taking myself out of the line of fire. Now, ss will go to BM's after school every other Friday and DH will pick him up after work. Monday mornings he will go to the daycare that he goes to every other day, same with every other week during the summer. If I don't spend the time alone with him then he can't claim I am saying things I'm not. Am I wrong? Any advice?
Apr 10, 2011
what is wrong with parentsNEW by: Anonymous
I have two children, they are 22 and 24. My ex husband has never paid me any money and I have brough them up alone. I never denied my ex husband access and I always spoke nicely of him to the children (apart from the very odd occassion when I was really really annoyed. He has spend months and years not in contact with his children and it is always me that makes them see him and be friends with him. I have two stepchildren by two different partners of my current husband. Both these women are nasty, do not work and spoil their own children (my definition of spoilt is not buying the children things it is spoiling and damaging their minds). I try my best to make sure the children are all equal and balanced but this is very difficult as their other parents are such a nightmare. All the other parents are so obsessed with their own petty jealousy and nastiness that they miss the most important thing which is the mental health of their children. Relationships break, friends fall out, old things end and new things start, children are innocent and adults should be big enough to suck it up and get on with it without passing it on to their children. Please handle your relationship with care as the damage done to children by bitter parents lasts a lifetime.
Jan 19, 2011
I know how you feelNEW by: Kahlan
I love my man so much. I am 25 and he is 34, he has 3 kids 7, 10, and 13. The 13 year old absolutly hates me and refuses to come over because her mother poisoned her aganst me, we used to have fun and mom got jealous. Over christmas she decided that she would come over even though I was there. Her dad begged her to still come and she agreed to. I was actually mad when I found out she said yes (mad inside) I DID decide to pack up and go, its very hard, especially if you love the person. Im trying to stay strong though and ask myself how I can be with someone if I hate his kid...
Dec 14, 2010
Hate stepsonNEW by: Anonymous
I am getting to the point where i actually think i hate my stepson. I know this sounds awful but i'm proud to say it. He's rude, has no manners, eats like an animal at the table, hits his father, has cause injury on my son involving hospital treatment, lying all the time even if i sat there and watched him he would still say he didn't do it. he's 9 years old. His mother is a pain too trying to get in the way all the time although i came along 7 years later and she left the booy's father to be with someone else and now has another child with someone else..... she's still always there in the background. The only time when we argue if it is about the ex and if it is not abouth the ex its about the brat. I'm seriously thinking of packing up and go.
Aug 21, 2010
Jealous EXNEW by: Anonymous
My partner as a son from a previous relationship. They have been split up for 6 years before I came along. Since then she has been very difficult with access. She stopped the son from seeing his father then she decided it was ok for him to have him again only on the conditions he's not around me. Now she is letting him come round every other weekend with me and my son being around him. She controls the situtation by using her son. As soon as something happen that she don't like she will use the son. Ie we pay her money each month via CSA to cloth and feed her son as well as paying to feed and cloth him while he's with us. She yet asked for more money and because my partner said no she has now threatened that she wouldn't sign any papers and that we will have to go to court for access because she wants to see us spend the money so it will have to go to court now. How pathetic!!
This 'Step Son' is an emotional wreck!! he cries all the time about the most unnecessary things. i.e the kids will be playing and if he loses he cries.
He cries when it is time for him to go home and he cries if he doesn't get his own way.
He threatens to tell his mum and that he wants to go back to his mum'm when things don't go his way. It has got to the point where I've turned round and said 'Fine if that's what you want, get your shoes on your going home now!' Well that worked lol it called his bluff.
Guess what?? This mother of his is now shouting abuse and using inappropriate behaviour in the to me. it is humiliating and embarassing. I have done nothing wrong to her.
She once stopped the son from seeing my partner because he's with me then he was allowed to see his son on the conditions he's not around me and now she's ok with the son coming round when ever and be around me but she's being a ***** towards me if she sees me out in public. What is wrong with this woman???
Aug 01, 2010
step daughter, problem with mother-in lawNEW by: nana
Hi all, after reading your comments, it seemed that I am more fortunate because I was not dealing with my boyfriend ex. She left us 4 yrs ago but the problem I faced now was my boyfriend's mother. I was with my boyfriend 4 yrs ago. When we got together, his daughter was only 1 yr old. He didnt marry with his ex & his ex left him & his daughter when she was 5mths old. Hence he had no choice but to ask his mother to help to look after his daughter as he usually had to work till very late even though he was on very good terms with his mother. Later then I know that they hated each other because my boyfriend's dad abandoned them when he was 10 yrs old. Hence it seemed that his mother vented her anger for his father's departure on him while he felt his mother dont treat & love him as her son. Sigh! I met his daughter when she was 1 yr old & I took up the role of looking after her whenever I can because both my boyfriend & I worked from home so our time is very flexible daily. Now she is 5 yrs old already and both of us felt there were many bad habits his mother that had influenced his daughter. We decided to look after her ourselves for simple routines like bringing her to school, cook & send her lunch box & fetching her back from school in the evening. WOW here came the big fight. My boyfriend's mother recently just have a few blows of quarrels with my boyfriend saying that we separated her from her granddaughter. How can he do this because she was the one who raise her up and scold my boyfriend to teach her granddaughter bad things. We were very shocked because yes we did teach little girl not to learn to shout & quarrel with others because my boyfriend's mother always shouted even when she was talking & seemed to like to quarrels with others. She even scold my boyfriend bad words in front of his daughter & ask her daughter not to look for us. She theatened not to cook, adore or buy things for her if she keeps looking for us. How can such theatens be used on a 5yrs old child. When I asked her, she said she theatened because she was angry with my boyfriend & maybe me for teaching her granddaughter to be like this. What the HECK, what mentality is this? I thought nowadays, it is very common that when the grandchildren gets older, parents usually will not need their mothers to look after anymore. I just dont understand why my boyfriend's mother behaved like this, making things difficult for us. I guess she may realize her son will not accompany her because of her hatred for him so she wants this granddaughter to live with her for her rest of her life & not living with us. How can this be happening? How can a child not living with her parents? Anyway so sickening & stress, currently we have no choice to prevent further bad influences & quarrels which are not good for the child to see, we decided to move out even though we understand my boyfriend's mother will be alone. sigh...really a lot of troubles & stress...what should I do?
Jul 13, 2010
Keep your Faith!!NEW by: Anonymous
My husband and I started dating in July 2008, his little boy from his previous marriage had just turned four. We married in November 2009 and since the marriage the communication and relationship with his ex wife has been torn to pieces. From the very beginning, his ex wife has been hateful toward me, said ugly things about me to their son, and has lied to her son about my feeling toward him. Their son is now six, and he repeats a lot of things his mom says about us. I am a child from a divorced family. She doesn't understand what she is doing to him. My mother never talked nasty about my father, she let me make my own judgment. Once a child is old enough they realize what is going on around them. I am not the reason they divorced. They never got along, they married as a result of pregnancy, and my husband was divorced two years before we met. Obviously, she only has a problem with me because I am in her sons life and he has fun and is happy when we are together. I am not his mother, and I have made it clear to her that I never want to interfere in any relationship he has. He should be encouraged to have a great relationship with everyone in his life, but she tries to cause turmoil with her son and I. The best advice I have for all the step moms out there is give it to God. Treat your step children as if they are your own. One day my step son will realize I'm not the mean person his mom makes me out to be. It takes time, I know. I have to be patient and let continue to be a nasty person. She isn't hurting me, she's hurting her son. Eventually she will have to answer to him. This is the exact thing that happened to my husband and his parents, almost to the T. He now has no relationship with his mother. I guess history repeats itself. Pray and give it to God. It will all work out like it is supposed to.
Jun 08, 2010
Understand how you feelNEW by: Anonymous
I have been in this situation for 2 years now. I have a daughter who is 10 (ex-boyfriend), a 15 motnh old with my Boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. He has a son that is 12 years old. His son has been living with us full time for a year because his mother is not responsible. She has made our lives a living hell. We don't have the money to spend on lawyers right now. She has brained washed her son for 2 years, has made rude comments about me and my children and has verbal abused my boyfriend for years. She is an awful person. His son has had a rough year and get a month ago he didn't talk or see his mom because the stuff she was doing. Not letting him so to Disney with us, cry in front of him, saying stuff about us etc. He said he was scared of her and didn't feel save and hated her so much. He just saw her last week-end and now has changed his tune and is not talking to us, trying to make sure he pisses us off by not listening, he ignores me completely, he has tormented his brother (15 months) so he is crying all the time when he is around him. I just the brain washing worked again from his mom. We are just at a point that we have 2 other children living in the house and they don't need this stress. I know I can't much more. In the last year, I have had a baby, 2 knee surgeries, Postpartum Depression, anexity for his ex and just have not felt the same for a year because of his ex and son. I am getting to the point maybe I just need to pack up my 2 children and move out. I love my boyfriend but at what cost. His son has been at his mother's for 5 days now and it is the best 5 days out of 2 years. I feel at peace right now and feel myself again. What should I do?
Apr 14, 2010
Stepson back with birth mother is now causing problemsNEW by: SMof2
I am experiencing the same "drama". For three years before the marriage, buying a new house and having a baby...my stepson,then 6, and I got along great.
When we all moved into the new house, he had to move in with us because his mother was have financial problems (not due to my husband). He is now back with his mother and OMG he has become the center of our arguements. All I want to do is have a family dinner or watch a family movie and what does he do? Drops his plate of food or refuses to eat. Talks throughout the movie. Fidgets around until he finds himself in his father's lap.
Just after a weekend with us where I planned a pizza playdate for him and three friends, he went home to his mother and complained about me. I can not do right by this child and I am at a point were I don't want to be around him.
Dec 09, 2009
Step-sonNEW by: Anonymous
Well, all I can say is to hang in there. One day he hopefully will realize the truth. In the meantime, it will only hurt you both to point out his mother's faults. As tempting as it might be, don't do it. I speak from experience. There is no connection like a child with their mother. I spent ten thousand dollars (our house buying money) on a lawyer to get custody of our step daughter, did all of the arranging, paperwork, appointments etc, at my step daughter's request! She came to be a teenager and since loser mom let her do whatever she wants and talked non-stop crap about us, guess what? It was all for nothing. I had to find a diary in which she said she wanted to turn on the garbage disposal with my hand in it. Called her father her "dripping penis of a father" for not letting her have boyfriends til she was sixteen (mom of course let her at 13!) So, I had to give up. The diary contained even more violent wishes than above and I had to draw the line at the need to protect my own two sons, whom she stated in said diary that she "fucking hated!" With kids killing their families today and us having the writing on the wall, so to speak, had to heed the warning signs. Unless there was counseling, not aloud to come home to our house. Guess what? Judge sided with Mom on how we "invaded her privacy" and reprimanded my husband on why he had a problem with her dating before 16????? Good luck to you!
