It had been a few years since I have spanked either one of my children, (daughter 15 and son 13). My daughter has one heck of a attitute problem. She does what she wants, disobeys me and fights with her brother. I have tried grounding her removing her phone privileges making her stay in her room, but nothing works. I am thinking about returning to spanking her with the paddle like I use to. I am at my wits end. Any suggestions.
You're hold enough to fight back. Block their hit, punch right to their face, say it was self defense. The only red will be their own blood.
Jul 21, 2010
Different Stories From Lisa T by: Anonymous
On one spanking forum, you've got three kids, and on another, you've got four. I like your promotion of otk bare bottom discipline for naughty children of any age, but you've gotta watch those personal details.
Jul 12, 2010
Parenting Teens part2 by: Robin
continued from part 1
Get your children to agree to being completely honest with you about their misbehavior and to confess to you any misbehavior. When your teen does misbehavior, involve them in the process of deciding how they should be disciplined. You don't have to follow what they think they deserve, but it is a good idea to ask them.
DON'T get angry, yell or carry out any discipline while there is very bad feelings between you and your teen. The spanking should have a clear transparent process. It should be carried out calmly and with due process. It must be just. DON'T deliberately humiliate or shame. You can spank teens on the bare - but ONLY IF that is not shameful in your household. I suggest you give them a choice between a bare spanking and a harder spanking over thin pj's. DO apologies for your own shortcomings, and ask your teen to forgive you. DO spank hard. Do use an implement (strap, paddle, wooden hair brush etc). Don't expect the type of spanking that was effective when you child was 2 to be any use now they are 15. Do expect that an effective spanking will leave your teen crying loudly. DO discipline your sons and daughters the same way. DO be consistent with apply the household rules and they consequences. Don't just apply them when it is convenient for you.
and most important: After the spanking, comfort your teen, talk them gently and respectfully, encourage them, help them, love them. Make sure they know that they are loved, accepted and forgiven.
Jul 12, 2010
Parenting Teens by: Robin
Let me summaries what I want to say in point form.
Your responsibility to effectively discipline your children doesn't stop when they turn 12.
Spanking is one form a discipline, and very many parents (and teens) find that it is very effective and very helpful. However it is certainly not the only form of discipline for teens.
Discipline of children is always difficult, but I think it is most difficult with teens. *It is difficult because we need to set a high standard of godliness in our own lives - and our failure to do so makes us hypocrites in our discipline of our children. *Discipline that comes out of a loving relationship with our children is very helpful to our children - and essential for their growth in godliness and maturity. However we are often unloving, quick tempered and selfish. This hinders the effectiveness of our discipline. *Different values, ideals, and beliefs put us in conflict with our children in ways which can not be resolved primarily by discipline. If your teen believes that what they did is wrong and you have spanked them fairly/justly then the spanking will be helpful to them. If your teen believes that you are out of touch with reality, that you are morally compromised, or that what they did was right (even if you don't think so) then spanking your teen is unlikely to be helpful or effective. Discipline can resolve agreed moral misbehavior. You can always discipline for disobedience, but don't try to use it to resolve different values. To do that you need to talk with your teen, spend time with them, listen to them and teach them. Use discipline to teach children the self-control to do what they know to be right. However discipline alone can not teach them what is right.
Teens are able to be involved in the process of discipline in many ways that toddlers are not. Firstly discuss with your teens what rules the house is going to operate under. Ideally try to get their agreement about the rules, and the consequences for breaking the rules. In our household we make a distinction between universal moral rules (don?t lie, don?t steal) which don?t go away as your children grow older (although the penalties get more and more severe); and rules about practical living and running a household that get more relaxed (eg bed time) as the children get older. When my oldest was 14 she asked if she could go to bed when she wanted. I agreed on the condition that if she was irresponsible she would confess to me and face an agreed range of penalties (Ranging from a $1 fine for feeling tired the next day to 20 with the strap for falling asleep in class). We kept this system going until she was 20. Over those 6 years she voluntarily confessed to irresponsible sleeping patterns several times, and paid many mostly small fines and was strapped twice (but only 4 strokes each time).
END of part 1
Jun 28, 2010
older kid spanking by: Anonymous
I am a boy living at home with mom and working and going to jr college. This past year I am very embarrassed to admit I was spanked twice. i have to admit it is still effective at my age and also very embarrassing.
Jun 17, 2010
spanking teens by: Anonymous
I'm 17 yo now, and i've been spanked since I was 6 yo. When I was kid, my father used to spank me with his hand, later he used a birch too, now it's usually his belt. I'm not the most obedient son in the world, but I'm nothing like a bad boy really, and it even may be due to this kind of discipline, even if I doubt about it. Spanking doesn't seem to work with my younger brother (he's 15), for example;talking to him, I got more results, I believe, but he doesn't listen to me that much any more, and I think that he can't see me as his "big bro" since he saw me many times being spanked, mostly on my bare bottom. I try to respect my father, but I don't feel I love him as son should. I tried to ask him to punish me some other way, or at least to let me keep may pants on, but it made him only more angry.
Jun 07, 2010
spanking teenagers by: Anonymous
I applaud your father for taking discipline in hand. did HE lower your pants , or he made YOU lower them ?
May 28, 2010
Still spanked at home by: Onlyson
Hi,
I'm a 25 year old male who is still living at home after college. My parents are fairly strict and I have to follow the house rules or else. My dad does not hesitate to turn me over his knee and spank me but good if I need it. All he needs to use is his hand over my briefs to make a lasting impression. Anyway, it works for me and weill continue to happen when needed as long as I live at home.
May 14, 2010
Usually Works Better With Girls by: Been Through This
Here's a politically incorrect answer. Your instincts are right. Your daughter needs paddling. Here's why. Girls don't get too old for OTK discipline because they incorporate the lesson into their guide for future behavior. Some girls still get it in their early 20s for teenage-like misbehaviors. I'd begin with a frank discussion. Usually girls know they need to be put over mom's knee with panties down long before mom gets around to doing it! When you come as close to an agreement as you are likely to get at her age, so it privately. Take your time. Longer is usually better than harder - especially since your daughter hasn't been spanked in awhile. Even though this is about her mind rather than her body, make sure her bottom is thoroughly red before you finish. If possible, make her cry. Sometimes girls that age don 't cry. You should notice a profound effect in her behavior. Don't be afraid to repeat the treatment if necessary.
You've got to get a handle on boys before puberty. 13's not too old, but it's pushing it. Unlike girls, as they mature, boys are more inclined to fight back as if they were attacked. If you can handle him, have your son drop his pants and bend over for a strapping with a doubled man's leather belt. While he is less likely to cry than your daughter, you should strap him with sufficient vigor to bring tears to his eyes. The intent should be to give him a memorable experience!
May 03, 2010
Give them a good spanking by: Julie
Like I have said in my previous post...you can take away all the priveleges you want, but nothing is as effective as a bare bottomed spanking across your knee. It is all about the embarrassment of having their bare bum spanked and almost as important...the ridicule of their friends/teamates if they are expected to shower after their sporting events as my teens are. How can you explain why your bum is red to your friends? That has happened with my teens and if a very good deterent to bad behavior. I know it is politically and socially incorrect, but I just try putting them across your knee and I guarantee the end result will be great
Apr 19, 2010
I think you should paddle her. by: Anonymous
I say go for it. I'm 14 between your two kids and I still get the paddle when I misbehave or for other things that are bad. It does teach me a HUGE lesson. Cause I get the paddle on my bare. So that is my oppinion from an actual teenager.
Apr 13, 2010
I think a good spanking can work wonders by: Lisa T
I firmly believe that when all else fails...putting your teenager across your knee and giving them a good spanking on their upturned bare bottom is very effective. If you need advice on how to accomplish this please email me at ajn129@yahoo.com
Apr 12, 2010
my advice on spanking a teenager by: Lisa T
I can certainly relate to your discipline problems with your teenagers. When they my 3 teens really cross the line I have found that putting either one across my knee, pulling down their pants and giving them a good spanking on their bare bottom is far more effective than with-holding priveleges etc. My 2 girls are very involved in school sports and must shower with their other team mates after their softball games. It is very embarassing for either one of them to have to shower with a red bottom and I really feel that a good spanking on the bare bottom even for a teenager is far more effective than grounding etc
Apr 11, 2010
To Lisa T and also to the college kid still getting spanked by: Danielle
First of all, Lisa T., I feel sorry for your children. It's the parents who have no parenting skills who resort to hitting their children. A parent who knows how to really be a parent can get the same results - "modify" their behavior - using other means.
My daughter is almost 18. I spanked her a few times - all in one week - when she kept getting in trouble in class. She was in 1st grade. I knew I was wrong and discontinued that behavior toward her. It didn't help. Since then, I have used time outs and taken away privileges. She'll be 18, we have a great relationship, and I've never had any trouble with her. I have been a single parent all her life. I feel sorry for your children. They deserve better.
To the college kid who still gets spanked - you need to fight back. My parents, especially my mother, thought it was OK to spank teens. The last time they pulled that crap, I fought back. I mean I used my fist. They backed off and never put their hands on me again. To this day, I still regret that I didn't retaliate that way at a much younger age because I'm 5'8" and have been that size since 8th grade.
I don't think it dawns on the kids that they can just fight back. I sure do wish I would have much earlier.
Apr 10, 2010
My kids would have a red and sore bottoms by: Lisa T
Please take the advise of a mother of 4...two 14 yr old twin boys and 12 and 10yr old girls. It has been my experience that nothing changes bad behavior like a good spanking I feel that the embarrasment of being put across my knee bare bottomed and getting spanked until they are bawling and their bum is beet red is certainly a behavior modifier
Mar 10, 2010
spanking young adults by: Anonymous
Im 21 and I have been spanked since I was a child,my dad still spanks me the sameway as he always did over his knees on my bare bottom he uses a hairbrush to spank me, im in college and I think im to old to be spanked but dad says till I move out when I misbehave I will be spanked, my parfents are very strict I can only date on friday or saturday and I have a 11:30 curfew and if im more then 10min. late dad spanks me, they even make me go to bed on a school night at 9:30.
Feb 28, 2010
to by: Danielle
Your aunt is way out of line and abusive. Unfortunately, not one single state has laws that will support a teenager who presses charges against a parent who "spanks." I put "spanks" in quotes because "spank" is a euphemism for "hit." A euphemism is an inoffensive word or phrase that people use to sugarcoat or justify their offensive actions. People hit their children then try to justify their poor behavior by using the word "spank" to describe their actions. My advice to any teen in your shoes is to fight back physically because the law won't protect you when you try to defend yourself legally against your offensive aunt.
When my daughter was in first grade, I started to have behavior problems with her in class. I was at my wit's end trying to get her to behave - every day when I picked her up from school, I could see her sitting outside the classroom because she had been disruptive. After several days of this, I threatened to spank her and, for the first time in her life, actually did spank her a few times for disrupting class. The spanks did NOT help the situation, and I stopped immediately. The disruptive phase eventually passed; I never spanked her again. My daughter has grown into an intelligent, confident teenager with a good attitude and sweet disposition. I have raised her on my own since she was 9 months old. Thank God I wasn't a parent who believed in corporal punishment. Who knows what kind of kid she would have turned out to be otherwise.
The parents who need to spank to get their kids to behave (if it even works in the first place) do so because they don't know how to parnet their children and have to bully and intimidate them by hitting them. Parents who spank really shouldn't be allowed the privilege of raising children.
Feb 28, 2010
i was spankt at 8 t0 17 by: Anonymous
my dad gaev me a spanking on my baer bootm when i was a teenager and i grow up fien i also got spankt at school by my prnsupol and ones by pe teher in the locerroom on my underwaer i thek if kids and teens got a good bare bootm or underpants spanking now of thes days thay wood have a lot more respakt.
Feb 11, 2010
Spanked teen guy "for my own good" by: Anonymous
I am a 17 year old guy and I am often getting a good spanking from my aunt-my primary disciplinarian-if I misbehave in any way. Just today after wrestling practice when my aunt picked me up with her van. I had to tell her I had been a naughty boy and got caught playfully wrestling around with some cute girls in detention this morning as she would be getting a letter from the vice principal to that effect. She ordered me into the back of the van and to remove my jeans, shoes, shirt and boxers and used the 14 inch drilled lexan spanking paddle she keeps in the glove box to very properly paddle my bare behind while parked right there in front of school-58 spanks and yes I counted each one outloud! Her spankings really hurt and I confess I was quite vocal before it was even half over. I mention this because I have become pretty respectfull toward my elders which wasn't always the case. My Aunts strong discipline has really shaped up my behavior and demeanor over the two years she has lived with us. I do a lot more chores and take on much more responsibility around the house and do yard work for an elderly couple in the neighborhood. If my performance falls short in any way you bet my aunt will be blistering the dickens out of my bare butt in no time flat. Everyone including m my girlfriends over the years, teachers, coaches, boss and even my buddies have commented on my ongoing improvement in attitude and maturity-though I still clown around a fair bit-since my Aunt moved in and took me in hand. Our neighbors have overheard me receive many tough spankings over the last two years and often complement my manners and maturity after particularly severe chastisement. Kids on there way to the nearby elementary school are occassionally treated to the sound of me getting a sharp bare bottomed spanking as my Aunt administers the paddle, the 28 inc drilled lexxan paddle kept on a nail in my bedroom, If I get smart with her at all in the morning or have to get up early for detention and the like.
Dec 31, 2009
spanking teenagers by: Anonymous
what's the big deal ? kids need to learn. so do teenagers. I have 4 boys , ages 8 to 18. when they step over the line I administer discipline. I grab their hand , lead them to the study, pants & underpants go down I put them over the desk and pow pow ! 2 slaps is enough ! then they get hugs &kisses. every now & then I would rub their bottoms and say ' I'm sure you don't want another one' !
Dec 18, 2009
to Allison in St. Louis by: Danielle H
My very strong opinion is that kids should never be spanked, especially not if they're teenagers.
I am still haunted today by my mother's treatment of me when I was growing up (I'm 42). She thought spanking was appropriate. I went to a parenting class here where I live called "Parenting Project." It's for parents of problem children. My daughter is not a problem child, but she had many friends who were; so I went as a preventive measure.
They ended the first night of class by telling us never to spank your child, that it will only exacerbate the situation. There's a book by Murray A. Straus entitled "Beating the Devil Out of Them." Dr. Straus is known to other researchers as the "world's foremost" researcher in corporal punishment. He's done studies that show that spanking actually exacerbates rather than helps the situation. In the book he acknowledges that many parents stop spanking their kids when they reach a certain age. He says that the later in life that the parents continue to spank their kids, the more problem the parents create, and that anything after puberty is likely to cause severe rebellion.
It backfired on my parents. I've been the same height since 8th grade (over 5'8"), and I started to fight back. I mentioned in an earlier post that I punched my father. I was 17. That's the first time I took a swing at one of my parents, but I started actually physicall defending myself in jr. hi. by pushing back or pointing my finger right in my mother's face and telling her, "Don't you even think about it."
Dec 13, 2009
pan king teenagers by: Anonymous
Im 18 and dad still spanks me when I misbhave, I don't like to still be getting spanked it hurts, but I understand why dad spanks me,Im glad dad does not ground me becauce then everbody knows I was punished, besides a spanking is over in a few mins.the only thing I don't like about the way dad spanks me he spanks me on my barebotton over his knees
Dec 12, 2009
Get a clue people ( #2) by: Danielle Harrington
I never had bruises because of her beatings, but she used every bit of strength she had and her spankings seemed to go on forever. She used her bare hand but usually a ping pong paddle, which she kept on top of the refridgerator strictly for that purpose - a real piece of work this woman was. In second grade, she once spanked me at the busstop in front of the other children. I also got spanked while standing with her in line at a crowded grocery store. I could go on forever with stories like these. She was very easily angered and a micromanager within the home. She had to watch your every move, and you damn well better not get out of line. She was unpredictable. You couldn't avoid getting hit.
Something else she did was constantly and incessently bitch and complain. It was as if she had a job that paid her for every word that came out of her mouth. My birth name was "Kimberly."
And all of my childhood, every day I heard "Kim!" "Kim!" I grew up hating the name. I couldn't stand hearing my friends say, "Hi, Kim."
And I hated telling people my name when they asked; so I legally changed it to Danielle.
I don't believe in spanking, period, at any age. My daughter is 17, and when she was 6, she went thru a period of mischief and getting into trouble at school. I got exasperated and spanked her a few times, knowing it was wrong. It didn't help. I spanked her once in 6th grade when she lied to my face. She's been spanked about 4 times in her life - 4 times too many. I didn't want her to have the awful childhood I had or suffer with memories like mine. I have treated her the way I feel I should have been treated. We are close, laugh a lot together, and I've never had any serious problems with her.
I ran away from home and missed so much school that I just dropped out. I didn't want my daughter to do that.
Danielle Harrington, Roseville, California
Dec 12, 2009
Get a clue people by: Danielle Harrington
Parents who spank their children should be shot. Parents who spank teenagers should be burned alive at the stake.
Parents spank because they have lost control and have no other effective parenting skills enabling them to peacefully and appropriately control their children. Parents who spank are out of control themselves. They are a detriment to their children. Those parents who are able to control and effectively discipline their children without the use of violence are good parents with sound parenting skills.
My mother thought the answer to everything was a good spanking. She was an angry, domineering, narcissistic woman and an expert at severe and harsh punishment but absolutely clueless about what sound discipline was. My father was a very nice and patient man who worked during the day and missed a lot of crap going on in our household. I grew up into a very angry and rebellious teenager. My father didn't understand my behavior. Once when we were arguing, I turned my back on him, and he hit me from behind. I whipped around and backfisted him across the face as hard as I could. I was 17 and had already been hit enough by my mother. I wasn't taking it any more. My father had me down on the floor on my back in about a second, straddling and holding his fist up as if he was going to punch me. I told him, "go for it." I didn't care any more. I told him that I would call the police and press charges, that I'm not afraid to testify in court -all this while I lie their on my back with him on top of me.
I hated my mother with every ounce of my being and tried to talk her into putting me in foster care. Now, at 42, I still look back and think the best thing that could've happened to me was to be removed from the home. I didn't know at that time that a minor could just walk into a courtroom, have himself declared a ward of the court and get foster care, group home, or some other alternative on his own accord without adult intervention. I wish I'd know that then because I would have done that. To this day, I still feel a white hot venomous rage toward her because of the way I was treated.
Dec 09, 2009
Spanking by: Anonymous
I am a 14 year old boy and if I had an attitude with my parents like that I know I would be getting spanked. It is usually over the knee bare bottom with a hairbrush. As a teenager it is embarrasing to get a red bottom like that but it works.
Nov 19, 2009
Another simlar topic by: rachel
There is another similar thread at http://www.child-central.com/spanking-my-teenager.html by Olivia. But with an ADHD child, the challenge is very different of course!
Nov 19, 2009
Look out by: Anonymous
Ohhhhh Boy! Look out their darlin! You just opened a big ol' can of worms. Spanking is a definite no no. And lots of people on here will be able to explain to you just why that is. I have to say I agree at this point. Especially with a teenager. You are just going to show her that adults handle things with violence. And I am sure that at least one person will be able to make the correlation of you spanking with the paddle when she was younger to the problems you are experiencing now as a teenager.
