Should people interfere when parents spank their kid in public?
by Mandy liu
(Singapore)
I hope to seek some answers from what parents think about disciplining (by spanking) their child in public. What happened was that i was in a mall some days back and saw a mother slapping her boy. That poor boy looks about 6-8 years old and was very defiant at some point.
Along came a lady stranger and she went up to his mother and told her that this is abusing her child. I seriously don't think that its appropriate in the first place for this stranger tell this mother what she needs to do! Every parent has differing methods to discipline their kid. What is "abuse" to one may just be that one thing that may stop a child from going wayward in the future.
I am a parent myself and sometimes spanks my kid for things that he did wrong. But my intention was purely based on wanting the best for him and i always wanted my 8 year old not to take my patience for granted. While i know it may not ba appropriate for a parent to spank her child in the public. I do feel for the parent who need to bear which her child's willfulness.
What would you do if you see a parent spanking/slapping her kid in public? Would you go up to stop the parent? Any thoughts ?
Comments for
Should people interfere when parents spank their kid in public?
I spank my children on the bottom at home when they are directly disobedient or defiant, I have found nothing else that works. I tried doing timeouts but that turned into a wrestling match were he ended up hitting, clawing and kicking me...not only is that unacceptable but I am not strong enough to hold him from hurting me, his brother or himself. So I spank him quickly, decisively, and without anger before the situation escalates into an all out tantrum. I spank hard enough to get his attention and never enough to bruise or injure him. He is much more likely to injure himself in a tantrum by hitting things or throwing himself against things. That being said, I am at a loss as to what to do in public. I am afraid to spank him for fear of someone calling CPS. But now we have we have inconsistent discipline methods. the other day I spent a half an hour in a public place sitting on the floor and holding him in my lap. I was able to hold two legs from kicking me and one arm from hitting. That left one arm that he hit and clawed at me with. i held him there until he calmed down but the defiance was still there until we got home and I was able to spank him. He is only four and is a good boy most of the time but when he decides to disobey there is no giving in. I know that spanking makes some people uncomfortable but how much more disruptive is a tantrum? Please let me know if you have any suggestions.
thanks
Apr 16, 2010
hold a gun to their head, cuff them, and put them in jail by: Happy McSlappy
We live in a violent society. As an adult, if I go out and scream at someone, hit them, destroy their property, or run around acting crazy, it might be a gray area whether or not you as an individual can do anything to me about it. In some circumstances, you definitely can! But we also have special adults that do just that for a living; respond with judgments, force, and violence to adults behaving unacceptably.
With a child, it is a similar, except that is the parents / guardians that have the first level role of legislature, police, judge, and chief executive over their children. So it is true that you can spank your kid for them talking back to you while an adult has to talk back to the right person in order to get an accepted physical response in society. My point is, the disciplinary reactions are more or less the same regardless of adult or child, just on a different level, and that corporal punishment is in fact a realistic scaled down version of what you are going to get if you misbehave as an adult just as time outs are.
I certainly don't believe in child abuse. There are so many horrible stories out there of children enduring such miserable lives at the hands of their abusers. That is torture. It is not the same as teaching discipline through a physical response to an unacceptable act of a hand or a belt on the thigh or rear.
Mar 15, 2010
Experienced by: Sonja Pearson
If it happens to you or in front of you; it is your business. If you see another adult hit another adult in public what would you do? Call the police, right? Why are children "allowed" to be struck in any way shape or form and it is ok? What if it was a dog that was struck? It's a shame that animals have more rights when it comes to adult temper tantrums. If I wanted to watch a PG movie, I would rent it. Silence the Public Violence! I have 2 small children and it is my job to teach them how to control their own behavior AND MANAGE THEIR EMOTIONS. How can I do that if I can't control mine? My 4 year old has autism...he doesn't understand what is expected of him sometimes, just like other kids. Why should we strike because WE can't communicate to them what WE want? And yes, we have the best behaved children on the block WITHOUT the use of corperal punishment:)
Mar 07, 2010
Only children? by: PDeverit
People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual battery if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.
For one thing, because the buttocks are so close to the genitals and so multiply linked to sexual nerve centers, striking them can trigger powerful and involuntary sexual stimulus in some people. There are numerous physiological ways in which it can be sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can use the resources I've posted if they want to learn more.
Mar 01, 2010
no!! by: Anonymous
people should NOT interfere when parents slap kids in public it is a free country! although i would never slap my kid and especially not in public i still think it is wrong to do that. if my child was miss behaving i would kneel down to their hight and say you better put your self together or else no tv for 2 weeks if ithat does not work take your child to the bathroom or away from everybody and slap the kid. never interfere if u happen 2 c this. this is just the parents way of displine! do not interfere i reapeat do not interfere!
Feb 11, 2010
think by: Anonymous
i think a child should be slapped on the butt and sent to the corner when they do something bad but never accross the face and think about why you are slappin your kid first now if your kid stoll something get he belt hit the butt with it and send he kid to the corner and take away tv for a week but if your child talked back to you slap the kid if thekid didn't say sorry slap again and sed the kid to the corner that will do it always worked for me as a child
Feb 10, 2010
accrross the face by: Anonymous
i got slapped across the face just for saying not to my mom. that was horrible! another time i talked back to my mom she told me to face my butt to her, she slapped me on the bum and sent me to the corner and my dad slapped me with a belt on the butt because i called my sister stupid! that is so not cool! but it works! i recommend that you do that to your children just make sure you don't do it often and make sure you don't do that to your child when they are going through puberty!
Jan 28, 2010
Circle of violence by: Anonymous
When I was fairly young (maybe 8 or 9?), I saw a mom scream at her kid in the grocery store, smack him, and then stalk off. The boy couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 and he was standing alone in the aisle with his stuffed Tigger in the child seat in the basket. He turned to the Tigger, and started punching him. I was so shocked - I'd never seen anything like that before in my life. My parents had told me that they had an agreement that they never would spank us - which they never had - and I knew that some kids were hit, but I had never seen it before. It was completely horrifying. If I had been any older, or any more aware, I would have said something to her. I often wish I could find her now just so I could say something. It's such an obvious circle of violence. I can't imagine any parent thinking it's a good thing.
Jan 28, 2010
absolutely not! by: Anonymous
Spanking a child is child abuse.
Anyone who thinks otherwise is uneducated, uncaring, and not fit to be a parent.
Not only should they be approached, but authorities should be notified.
Jan 28, 2010
Hitting Children Teaches Fear, not Genuine Respect by: Anonymous
I'm sorry, but anyone who hits their child as a form of punishment DESERVES whatever is coming to them. I was never spanked as a child, and I grew up to be extremely successful, considerate, polite, and kind. I'm raising my own children in the same manner, and they wow me every day with their incredible depth of goodness. I feel if I EVER hit them, I would only teach them that that's an appropriate response to anger or frustration... that the only way to get what you want is to hurt the person standing in your way... that reacting quickly is more important than acting intelligently... and I'd be teaching them that I'm capable of hurting them instead of helping them. I maintain an extremely close relationship with both my parents (they're my best friends, really), and I want my children to feel the same way about me when they are in their 30s. Obviously, I'm not the sort of mother who believes that being a child's "friend" comes first - they ARE disciplined, but in an intelligent, respectful manner. I want them to know they can trust me with anything - so that if they are ever in real trouble, they know that I will do what is right, not just attack them.
I would absolutely report someone who hit their child. And hope to high heaven that they receive the therapy they seriously need if they can't find a better way to deal with their children.
Jan 23, 2010
yes by: Anonymous
I feel that a parent can spank their children if it is needed. Sometimes a time out or talking doesn't do the trick so a little pop on the hand or on their bottom will not kill them. I was beat growing up with fly swatters, belts shoes, pretty much anything my parents could find. As a result of that I learned what i could do and what i couldn't do very quick. It never caused me any emotional pain now that I am grown up. i would never beat my kids but I will spank them when it is needed. Kids now a days are not the same as they used to be. A lot of children tell their parents what they will and will not do and me I will not put up with it. So I'm all for spanking children!!!
Oct 20, 2009
Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE: by: Anonymous
Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit www.nospank.net.
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
Center For Effective Discipline,
PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
Jun 15, 2009
smacked by: Anonymous
i am ava and i am 8 this morning i was told to tidy my bedroom i didn't want to and started playing my mam (roxy) sent me on my naughty steph for 8 mintues and i kept on going off she put me on and i told her to %@&* off she smacked me .what would ya have done and did she do the right thing? (don't tell mummy i am here other wise she will smack me and send me to bed
Apr 27, 2009
WTF? by: volleychic69
God you people are nuts... i am 20 years old. I was hit my entire life and you know what that did to me, IT RUINED MY LIFE!!!! I am now spending years and years and thousands of dollars to go to school to be a Psychologist dealing with children who have been abused so that I can help out children who are going through what i went through. It is NEVER ok to hit a child... you find another way. If you cant learn to control yourself then maybe you should have kept your legs closed and not had children in the first place.
So to answer this question, if i saw someone smacking their child in public, i would MOST DEFINITELY say something to them... and since they like smacking so much, maybe i should smack them a few hundred times out in public and embarrass the hell outta them too... i have no patience for this kind of shit.
Ironically, the reason i found this blog is because i am doing research for a speech i am writing on the topic, "is physical force a justifiable method for punishing children"
Apr 14, 2009
Here in England we call spanking - Smacking. But no matter what it's called it's always WRONG! by: Maria
If we spanked or smacked our work colleagues and friends whenever we were irritated or annoyed with them, none of us would have a job or any friends. We could also be charged with assault. So why are we allowed to spank/smack our children? It doesn't teach them anything except that violence is acceptable when you run out of patience and ideas in how to deal with a difficult situation. My son is ten and has never had one single smack in his whole life. His body is his own and noone has a right to inflict pain on it, and also humiliation, for that is what smacking does to a child. I was smacked pretty much everyday as a child and i'm so thankful that somehow I 'woke' up and realised how wrong that was before i did it to my own child. Most people who smack their children have been smacked themselves and therefore see it as normal. To question this is painful because you have to realise that your parents were wrong. Most people can't bear that realisation and so block out the knowledge, and unfortunately because of this their own children suffer the same treatment too. My son has not turned out 'naughty' or 'spoiled' through 'lack' of smacking, he is well behaved and polite and a very kind and caring little boy. We are in the 21st century, and I cannot believe that smacking is still considered right by so many. It is against human rights to hit another person, but somehow the world forgets to include children under that heading. In answer to the question should you interfere if you see parents spank a child in public, - I think everyone has a right to say something if they see somebody being mistreated.
Mar 15, 2009
Absolutely not! by: Anonymous
Unless it is crossing the line of abuse (and yes, there IS a line between spanking and abuse) They look like they are hitting hard enough to cause bruises or draw blood, or they are hitting with something other than their hand, on places like the head, then no, there is absolutely no need to interrupt. It's not nice to see a kid spanked in public, but hey, maybe the kid deserved it. Maybe the parent has already given that kid 2 warnings and the kid decided to disobey, or maybe this has happened before on other occasions and the parent told the kid that they would be spanked if they did not behave themselves. The point it, you don't know the whole story, only what you are seeing, and you can't go assuming things. It's none of your business. A lot of the times I bet the people who call Children's Aid are the ones who have never had children before and have no idea what it is like to raise one. People should really mind their own business. The law didn't give birth to that child, they didn't raise the kid, provide it with food, love, care, and shelter. The parents did!
Feb 16, 2009
slapping is abuse by: Anonymous
for one thing , if i saw a parent slapping a 8 year old child i would also say something to that idiot. that is child abuse. and it is wrong. i dont care who you are. spankings on the butt or leg are one thing but when you slap someone in the face that is something totally different. that is something that is done out of anger. they need to learn to control themselve and thier emotions.
Jan 23, 2009
The father by: John
As a parent and father I should not be worried about disciplining my children, because of fear someone is going to report it to the police. If a person even a teacher (I'm a teacher also) calls the police this is setting a standard (which is already happening) for kids to call the police whenever they are disciplined. There is a difference between a parent disciplining a child for bad behavior vs. a parent who just hits a kid for no reason, when the parent is drunk or locks kids in a room for days and no food (abuse). This issue has crippled our society especially in inner city neighborhoods. It is up to the parent to raise their children how they see fit and not let the institution raise their children. We all know how successful that has become. Children have to understand their boundaries and children and parents fussing back and forth are not the answer. Which is what you get when there is no spanking. Think about this situation. Parent slaps child in public for bad behavior, someone calls the police, police come and takes a report, child may get taken away, parent has a record now for child abuse, parent now can?t get a job cause of the record they have for child abuse. Is that what you want, cause that is what happens. What makes it worse is the State is going give the child back any way and now the kid is back with a parent who can?t get a job or lost their job cause of your opinion. So think about that when you dial 911.
I could talk all day about the issue.
Dec 26, 2008
Slapping a child in the face is not appropriate. by: D in GA
If you are going to spank a child, do it on their bottom.
As a teacher, I WOULD approach that parent in a public place. I would ask if I could help her. If she was agressive towards me I would call the police.
I would not approach a parent in a private place but I would call the police if I suspected abuse was going on or the parent had lost control during that moment.
Feb 12, 2008
What i will do if i were in the parents' shoes by: Anonymous
I will NOT stop the parent from spanking her kid in public. Every parent has the right to do what they think is the best way of discipline.
While i do NOT agree that this is the best way , i will not stop a parent from doing it. If I were in that parent shoes, i will take my kid to one corner and give him a slap on his thigh, just enough for him to feel my wrath. If this is not possible due to too many people being around, i will whisper to his ears that he will 'get it' from me once we are home.
