my son robert was a bright happy little boy, was the best baby, rarely cried, slept dreamily for hours and ate so well... he called me mum, held his bottle and was overall healthy and fine little boy at aged 2... Then things started to change...
Robert started to not eat from his spoon, refused to make eye contact, preffered to be alone and would isolate himself in a room or small space... he formed obsessive behaviours such as holding a particular spoon and making funny noises, what i later found out was called stimming?.. he stopped calling me mum, he stopped looking at me, he didnt even want me to touch him, it hurt so much to watch as it felt he was slipping further and further away from me, and there was nothing i could do to stop it. he then turned very aggressive and upset and our days were trying and long, as were our nights, he barely slept, would scream at pitches that hurt my ears, would bite me and head butt the wall while he screamed, i had no idea what was wrong with my little boy, it was like he was in pain, i had no idea what was to come...
i remember one day going and sitting next to him on the lounge, trying to get close to him, my son got up and moved and sat on another lounge, i burst into tears, my own son didnt love me, didnt want to sit next to me, i had no idea why, but it hurt, what is wrong with me? my little man?
i began to film his behaviour, not knowing at all what was wrong, and took it to my local gp to watch for himself, its like no1 had any idea what i was going thru behind closed doors, or understood.. my gp informed me he is possibly autistic, my heart sank, i cried for days, i was told he might never speak, i cried harder, what have i done for my little boy to suffer like this? this is no way was what i imagined parenting to be, how is he ever going to cope not being able to tell me whats wrong? so many things went thru my mind, i was restless, tired but at my wits end as to what to do for him, how to help my little boy?
months past and i had seen psychologists, speech therapists and pediatricians to have him diagnosed and get the help we needed, an expensive ordeal for me, i am a single mother on a pension with also a daughter with cerebral palsy, money was tight to say the least. but i was given a choice, to pay privately to have him diagnosed in a few months, or put him on waiting lists and quite possibly waiting over 2 years,when given a choice like that i had not wanted to wait any longer, my son was drifting further and further away, something had to be done immediately, i would not wait
robert has wandered twice, he has no knowledge of cars or safety and will run straight onto a road without looking or care. one night he walked from my sisters home and we called him and looking everywhere, i was crying hysterically and he would not respond to us calling him, it was going on dark and i was a mess. we found him on a front lawn of a neighbour, but what if we didnt? what if he went near water as he likes it and has no fear of it? what if he ran onto a road infront of a car?... im always on edge, worry about him, and feel helpless as to what to do for him, what was i to do?
i then started looking all over online, buying books and reading as much as i could to understand my son's autism, it really became interesting and hopeful knowing there is things i can do to help, but how? so much money, so many appointments? i was scared, bewildered and overwhelmed... i started a gluten free diet for robert, and this helped immensley with his behaviour, the headbutting stopped, he was calmer, i tried music, he rocked silently to it or made his "funny noises" and glared off...
robert was then given medication, medication that ruined us for 2-3 weeks and turned him into a monster, he slept rarely, screamed, started biting again, even biting himself, he would cry and cry all day non stop, he'd lay on my bed and jus jitter and whinge, allllllll day!... i rang his doctor over and over, "this is not the medication for my son" all he did was keep upping the medication. one day i sat infront of him and i watched his pupils darting in and out, his eyes twitching, i thought to myself this is not right, it was taking robert further away from us, he wasnt happy anymore, it was like he was a robot, i couldnt take it anymore...
i took him off every medication, i tried music again, tried walks, bought him a giant trampoline, i tried everything i could... robert is happy, but he is five this thursday and my son has never said a word, i find it hard to communicate with him, some days he cries and like a baby i go thru all the things i think it could be making him upset, some days i work it out, other days i dont... its never ending..
im currently trying to toilet train him with no success, i see someone for early intervention that costs me a fortune and i get minimal back.. ive recently found a pre school he is going to attend next year for 3 days a week, but currently thats all i can get, hes been on a waiting list for occupational therapy and speech therapy for the last year and a half, he is now currently on the waiting list for an autistic school that has been highly recommended by many to me, tho the school will cost me alot and im not even sure how i will do it, but i try and thats all i can do. everyday i hope my son will speak, and one day he will be "cured" is this even possible i dont know.
roberts a bright little boy, loves the trampoline, loves to watch finding nemo over and over again, loves water..
all i want is to help my little boy get the help he needs and show him that he is special, and he is smart and will do great things in life, but how do i show him that when i cant speak to him? its a learning process, an emotionally draining ordeal, financially killing me, but i soldier on, i must, my son needs me, he needs help... and so i am here, doing all i can...thankyou for reading our story.
