Out of Control Children – What Can Parents do?

As a parent, you may have experienced the frustration and exhaustion if your kid is difficult. Your child may suffer from problems such as defiance, anger, violence, attitude and lack of motivation, which in turn may give you nightmares.
Your general feeling would be that it is impossible to deal with the kid. You believe that your kid will keep behaving like this forever and grow up as an adult who had never been properly controlled in childhood.

You would be happy to know that most often this is not the case. While the “normal” parenting style may not work for these children, but some change in parenting style normally suffices to deal with such children and bring them under complete control.

It is just that you need to come out of the conventional box of parenting thoughts and adopt a more effective parenting style for such children. The fact of the matter is that not every kid can grow with an equal amount of support – each kid needs his/her own level of support. And this is what a parent needs to provide.

The parent here needs to understand that the kid needs to acquire every piece of knowledge to live properly – if they know only some of the pieces then they are not going to automatically learn the others. The knowledge accumulated in a kid has to be wholesome for a complete living.
If the parent is not seeing the child behave in the desired manner then the parenting approach towards the child needs to be changed. The parent needs to learn ways that are more effective to solve the inappropriate behavior issue observed in the child.

Parents would always find an alternative approach since there are enough approaches, and such changes completely solve child behavior problems in most of the cases.
The first step for most of the parents is to get the child to listen to them. And in case of out-of-control children this proves to be the toughest step quite often.

The child’s capacity to listen does not depend only upon the words spoken to the child. It strongly depends upon the age group of the child, the location where you speak, the nature of peers that the child has and the current mood of the child. If the current mood of the child is too angry or too upset then no matter what you say s/he may not listen to you and you need to understand and accept that if you are positive about proceeding further.

What, then, is the ideal setting for you to talk to your child? It is one where you can really talk to your child without any other distraction and where your child can listen to you. The location has to be calm and quiet. It must be somewhere that you can easily communicate your ideas and get heard by the child. The child will listen to you only if you speak in the best of their interests.

Your interests are obvious to you, but don’t expect the child to follow these just because you are interested and they are supposed to love you as a parent. You need your child to understand the benefits and privileges of life that s/he enjoys. This includes his/her life, independence, friends, activities and interests. They are important in your child’s mind, and only the important things can be incentive enough for him/her to get control back in behavior.

One single mistake that parents often make is trying to be the best friend of the child. Please remember that you are the parent of the child, not his/her friend. You are the role model of your child as a parent. You would want to make sure that you communicate clearly to your child and make him/her understand that about responsibility, accountability and consequences. You must see to the fact that the child understands that listening to you and doing the “right” things are his/her responsibility.

Anything that the child is responsible for must be spontaneously driven by the child. The child must be made accountable for his/her responsibilities. And the child must be made to understand that s/he will bear the consequences of the act. A series of good actions will result in good consequences and an irresponsible action may completely negate the good actions and create an unfavorable consequence. In each case, s/he must bear the consequences. Make sure that the child understands right at the onset that a positive consequence is something that s/he will enjoy in the short and long term, and a negative consequence might end up taking his/her privileges away directly or indirectly. Conveying these notions to the child in the right manner often sees great results in controlling a badly behaved child.

In case you are thinking right now that your case is too hard, then you need to be extra-clear on the situation. You need to very clearly define the expectations from your child and set limits in your child’s mind accordingly. It may appear initially that the child is not responding. But with the right set of regulations they would most often start to respond. In a really hard case where the child refuses to budge, you may want to demonstrate the consequences and rewards. Hence, instead of just knowing from verbal communications, they are going to experience what the consequences can be. You may even want to think of rewarding them positively if they get their work done and negatively if they continue to defy you. This step will immediately demonstrate them the reality in both positive and negative ways, and act as their incentive to act and behave properly.

Please remember that almost all the out-of-control children that are properly taken through the process of acquiring responsibility, accountability and consequences can usually be controlled. Many of them grow up and become successful adults. As a parent, it is your responsibility to take your child through these if s/he is not behaving properly. You shall have to work hard to it. And you shall face the great consequence of your hard work if you do it responsibly and hold yourself accountable for the success of the process.

Read Testimonials on Focus ADHD