My kid likes to scream in public and it makes me embarrassed
by June
(Alabama, USA)
I have a 3 year old toddler and he likes to scream in public. We would be on the train or a restaurant and he would be screaming away. Its not like he is agitated or unhappy in anyway. But simply enjoys making loud "screamy-like" kind of sounds.
The other day we were at a restaurant and me and my husband felt so embarassed when he did that again. There were other tables with kids and they seemed to be so well behaved.
Anyone has experiences with your kid screaming in public areas? Continually i mean..What did you do to stop that? And of course, how do you keep you sanity?
Frustrated June
Comments for
My kid likes to scream in public and it makes me embarrassed
My whinning 3 year old turned into a screamer 4 year old - why? because dad gives her lots of negative attention for bad behaviour. I give her two warnings and then take away a favorite toy for 24 hrs. Sure you can pack up and leave somewhere - store, restaurant but then you really penalize yourself and not your kid - we like eating out. I found I had to threaten and follow through with something she valued not something I valued. Worked for me. Any time you can ignore the screaming do it.
Good luck,
'they' were right parenting is tough work
Dec 04, 2007
thanks for the advice by: June
Thank you..thank you..thank you for all the advices..and for Gauri, i totally agree with "Never tell him you will give him a reward for behaving well." The past week has been crazy for me. But i am learning to cope better now. I hope i can maintain my sanity for a longer period...:(
Nov 30, 2007
One More Thing... by: Gauri
I forgot to say 2 other things in my post actually.
Never tell him you will give him a reward for behaving well. That is called bribing. If you give it to him without him expecting it after the fact, that is a reward.
Also, someone else already mentioned this but I want to make this clear. Attention given to him for his behavior will make it happen again. That includes positive and negative attention. When you scold him or keep trying to reason with him while he is doing it or even after, that is negative attention. Give him his consequences using action after warning him that you all will be leaving.
Gauri
Nov 30, 2007
Nurturing Boot Camp by: Gauri
Dear June,
I can completely understand your horror and embarrassment in this. First, you have to make sure that he is getting enough sleep, not allergic to anything, etc. etc.
If it is just a social thing- not physiological, you need to try my boot camp method. Don't worry, I never spank, yell, or put my 3 year old down. I just make it clear that certain behaviors are not acceptable and there will be consequences. You even use those words- believe me, they are smart!!
Before you even get into the restaurant next time, spend some time in the car explaining that lately he has been screaming in restaurants and it's not a nice thing to do. Explain why and tell him that he is a big boy now and you know he can follow the rules of being in a restaurant. When/if he screams, look at him straight in the eyes (at his level) and tell him that he is not following the rules, he is being rude, and if he does it again, you all are leaving right away. He will probably test you and do it again. Then, don't say anything. Just pack everything up and leave. If things need to be paid for and so on, just one of you leave with him and the other take care of it. Put him in his carseat with his seat belt and just go home. Do not look upset or happy. When you get home, do everything as normal. Before going to bed, nicely and lovingly have a chat with him and ask him why he wanted to break the rules and be rude to the people around him. Don't give him extra attention for it- just chat. Everything else stays normal.
Keep doing this everywhere you go where it is inappropriate to scream. Be ready to have to leave. This may continue for a week or even a month but it will eventually end. If he gets through an event without screaming, don't forget to give him a reward- a sticker, extra book at night, lots of kisses, etc. (Don't reward with food!!) He will get the idea but it has to be a consistent boot camp in the meantime.
This works for me everytime. I got it from being a teacher. Part of loving your child is setting boundaries and being consistent on consequences. Kids really thrive on it. Get over being embarrassed- it is not going to help that your child knows it bothers you in that way!!! And most importantly- don't make any exceptions- you must stay consistent. I hope this helps you- I don't know a single person who tried this that it didn't help.
Yours, Gauri
Nov 30, 2007
stores by: Anonymous
My Grandson would do this in wal-mart and a few other places. I would tell him storys about our out side voices and inside voices. It took some time. But he has out grown it.
Nov 30, 2007
From Your Friend in Motherhood by: Cheryl
Dear June, I feel for you. For I have experienced much the same thing.
Some truths I have learned: ~Whatever we give our attentions to, we get more of... I've found that the more I pay attention to, react to, or talk to my child about the bad things they are doing, the more they do them! (How frustrating! Because my intent was to get them to STOP(!!!) that bad behavior!) However, when I do just the opposite and completely ignore the bad behavior, and force myself not to be embarrased by it (because this is "attention" and the child sees it!), and rather praise them and notice ANY good thing they do, no matter how small, the bad starts to fade away, and the good begins to grow and flourish.
I hope this helps!
Your friend in motherhood, Cheryl
Nov 30, 2007
ADHD or sensory issues? by: Anonymous
Find a pediatrician, psychologist or psychiatrist and ask about about how to evaluate for sensory integration issues and for ADHD. You'll have to find one who knows about and will evaluate in preschoolers. Some only know how to deal with older kids. I have a daughter with ADHD issues who shrieks alot. Mostly not in public, but then she's 8 now and some self-control. It could be that the shrieking is a side effect of his brain's attempt to deal with all the stimuli in a public situation. It's very difficult, I know. Good Luck.
Nov 29, 2007
reply to june by: Anonymous
June,
I have no clue what could be happening to your little boy. just a question, does he have any hearing problems? maybe he screams to hear himself because he might have a difficulty?
again, I have no idea but thought I'd share an idea.
good luck!
