My 9 year old son is very sensitive and tends to cry at the slightest thing. He is very aware of this and is anxious that he will get bullied when he goes to high school. How can I help to toughen him up so he is ready to face the big crule world of high school. He is more academic than sporty and feels this will make him an easy target.
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My 9 yr old son is a cry baby and very sensitive.
well i have one thing to say beating or hitting your child because he/she cries is stupid. As a child i was a crier and my dad would hit me sometimes when i cried about sports or grades. Im not saying that you shouldnt tell your children not to cry its just not likely.
Nov 20, 2011
from experience by: Anonymous
I was that child who cried all through elementary school. I was and still am highly sensitive combined with highly intelligent. From my own experience I can tell that saying "don't take it so personally" or "grow a thick skin" doesn't help. You are asking the person in fact to change a genetic part of their personality. Rather let him grow up proud of his sensitivity -- it may help with self esteem. Just make sure he has a place to shine.. let him do some individual activity so no one can upset him. Mindfulness and cognitive behaviour therapy may be a great combination....but he is likely going to go through life as a sensitive individual. The best thing that happened to me in elementary school is that I had a friend who would stick up for me when kids teased me.
Nov 18, 2011
Thought I was alone!!! by: Anonymous
My nine year old son cries for any and everything. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I'm left to believe that their is something else that is wrong with him (other than the ADHD) Recently the "boys" at school started teasing him, and today he beat the crap out of one little boy. It's like the tears come naturally he cries at school, home everywhere. I put him in sports(football)he's really good in it. Last Saturday for a game he cried on the side-line when the coach didn't put him in the game. I heard of emotional behavior disorder and will meet with my doctor to further discuss this issue if there's anybody out there who knows of anything regarding this matter please let me know. Thanks alot!!
Nov 03, 2011
Get him into sport by: Nadia
Nia, I had my 10 year old go join a judo club. He is very shy and always cowed. This help him so much. Best of al, he made some friends and he can defend himself if he has to.
Best to you Nadia.
May 24, 2011
any solutions? by: Anonymous
Hey All, I am having the same problem with my son and baseball. He understands that it is just a game and everyone makes mistakes but when he gets on the field all bets are off. The tears come at every out or overthrow. Has anyone had any progress? or those who went to doctors any solutions or advice? It is helpful to know that so many of us are out there. So those who have found a solution or had a diagnosis would be great to have updates. THANK YOU!!!
May 19, 2011
my 9 year old by: Anonymous
Ok I beat that ass! However it doesn't seem to work. He's not sensitive in the way of sports but if he gets in trouble or gets a bad report from school its DRAMATIC!!!!! All the teachers know him and knows what he sounds like. I'm really annoyed and frusrated. I explain that things happen but he makes things worse by crying "like that".so now what
Apr 22, 2011
10 YEAR OLD MELTDOWNS WHILE PLAYING SPORTS by: Anonymous
Our 10 year old grandson gets very emotional and crys when he gets struck out, tagged out or makes any mistake while playing little leauge baseball. This is his 3rd year playing and we thought it would be something he would start to outgrow. It has'nt and he does not even care if anyone see's the meltdowns. He is very good at baseball and loves to play too. He has always been kind of sensitive but he is very sweet and smart in school. Depression and mood disorders do run in our family so I'm wondering if this could be heridtary or have something to do with his personality. I think his mother is going to have him evaluated by a child phy. I really hope he can get some skills to help deal with this because it's a tough world out there and sadness us that he takes things so hard and we feel helpless (his dad, mom and all of us grandparents have had talks with him but it does'nt seen to help)wish us luck, and luck to you parents who going through the same thing as well...
Apr 05, 2011
My 9 year old is sentitive also by: Anonymous
My son is a very clever but sensitive little boy and a pure joy to our lives. He is an only child and has issues when things dont go his way when interacting with other kids. He gets upset and cant take any type of critisism. He wants to be great at everything but gets very annoyed when he fails. The glass is always half empty no matter how much encouragement we give him. He finds it difficult to stand up for himself with other kids and seems to hold a lot of his concerns and worries inside until we manage to prize the problems out of him. We always know when he is upset by his mood change. Is this a symptom of being an only child? Just to make reference to one of your comments, beating your child is actually going to add to your childs problems and doesn't make them a better person or a bigger man. It makes you a bully.
Mar 22, 2011
I Understand by: Anonymous
My son is 9 years old. He is very mature and very intelligent. My son has the tendency to cry when he losses a football video game. My response is not taking off a belt and strapping him, but telling him it is time to put the game away because it is stressing him out. My son's dream is being a baseball player and he is really good at it. When he strikes out he may cry or if he makes an error he will cry. I noticed if i go up to him to talk to him in the heat of the moment he will go more hysterical. I learned when I left him alone he will tear up on move on. When he was pitching and his team would make an error he would get upset and cry. After the game I would talk to him and let him know that you understand his frustration but to find another to deal with it because it doesn't look good. So we came up with the solution that he will put his face in his glove and say whatever he wants, yell or cry, but when that glove comes off his face he needs to be ready to throw the next ball. It is all a learning lesson on ways to deal with situations and your child needs you to guide them not tell them what he should or should not be feeling. My son's teacher had expressed her concerns that my son was too sensative. He gets upset when he doesn't get 100 or if he forgets his homework. It only means he striving to be the best he can. So just keep working with your child. You know your child better than anyone.
Feb 21, 2011
enough is enough by: come on now
its time to get a paddle and beat his ass!!! sound like you have allowed this to go on for way to long!!!! stop it now or he will be coming home from middle and high school crying everyday how the normal boys are beating the crap oout of him!
Jan 12, 2011
Peace Making not Policing by: Anonymous
you need to encourage your child to grow up to be whoever he wants to be... if he wants to be sensitive and play with dolls it is your job as a parent to stand behind your child no matter what... not everyone is going to fallow what you apparently think is appropriate!! you must let your child know that you support him through all of his life choices otherwise your child will grow up to resent you and you will end up losing them in the end (trust me i know this, I no longer speak to my parents.)
Jan 10, 2011
From a lamb to a lion by: Anonymous
I would be curious to know how many of these responses are posted by women. Man as a whole is becoming a weak creature because the modern women and todays society are conditioning them as such. If men would act like men, many of the worlds issues would be solved. Love them, nurture them, and teach them thier role as a man. I am a 30 year old male and father of two boys.
Jan 10, 2011
Sensitive child by: Anonymous
My 9 year old son is also very sensitive. Most of the time he acts very well rounded as he does average work in school, is very mechanically inclined, and tends to do well in sports. The problem started last spring in baseball. Almost every time he would make an error on the field or strike out he would start crying. Since this was a new behavior, we weren't sure where this was coming from as he was blessed with a father who only encourages him and doesn't put a lot of pressure on him in sports. Now, this basketball season he is doing the same thing (starts crying) almost every time he fouls someone, gets fouled, or misses a basket. Again, his dad and coaches have worked with him and reassured that as long as he does his best, they are happy with him. Unfortunately, the crying only seems to be getting worse, and they can hardly play him (I am actually relieved when they don't). As parents, we are more than willing to not have him play sports, but we worry that the problem is more than that. Further, we have also noticed that in the last year or so he has developed a bad habit of lying about silly things that don't matter. These are some reasons why I am on here; to see if this behavior is common among 9 yr old boys and/or if there is a medical/mental problem anyone might suggest. Thanks for listening.
Jan 10, 2011
my 9yr old cryies all the time as well by: mrs. L
My son is 9 and he cries all the time, over anything. He cries when he cant find his glasses, he cries when he cant find the toy he wants, he cries when he dont get his way. Its not the cries that irritates me per say, its the nonstop crying..All the time over anything and he cries for minutes at a time....Its impossible to go into public with him because he cries at the drop of a hat. You can tell him something like "leave that alone" and he will start to cry and throws himself on the floor..so embarrassing..We have tried everything to stop thing problem, we have ingnored him thinking that he wants attention, we have spanked him thinking that he just throwing a temper fit..nothing seems to work and im at my wits end..i love him with all my heart but my nerves are shot..Weve even had ppl complain about his non stop crying..what to do? Ive taken him to docator and done all that and he put him on depression patch but it just made him more depressed and wanting to kill himself. So i took him off of that medicatin..
Nov 27, 2010
@holycrap by: Pinkers
This is how you deal with your child/children? I pity them being around you and your lack of parenting skills! I think you'll find that the kids that grow up with serious issues as young teens/adults will be yours. The fact that you would allow your kid to beat on another kid is bad enough, but to then add "your "son" shouldn't be playing with dolls on the playgroud" just sickens me. If my son wanted to play with dolls rather than toy guns, I'd welcome it. If my daughter wanted to wear pants, have short hair and climb trees, I'd welcome that too.
I will not have my children growing up believing that they can't be happy doing something just because it's seen as too boyish for girls or too girly for boys, but that's because I am a parent that will love my children no matter what they are and they will grow up with the same beliefs, feeling loved, secure and without any prejudice.
My partner and I have a 10 year old boy and a 5 year old girl and our little girl cries a lot but I suspect that started as a bad habbit because when she cries at her Dads house, she gets what she wants.
We have started sending her to her room to calm down when she cries for no reason and so far, so good. We're only really on day one and she's stopped herself in her tracks when tearing up.
Good luck!
Nov 27, 2010
sensitive -- by: Anonymous
My son could be called sensitive, he hates loud noises, hates being cold, won't wear clothes unless they have the right texture, length etc. Barely eats anything if it looks funny or has a different texture, and he is very emotionally reactive, to these things BUT he is not empathetic by no means in fact he is almost completely unaware of how other people are feeling. He is very perceptive, very intelligent, very scientific, but emotionally inept. A lot of people won't watch him and feel very uncomfortable around him because he is so reactive, and needs so much attention at 9 yrs old.
I'm waiting for a referral to a psychiatrist that is covered by my health insurance.
I think that for me, before I start making him "man up" and "get over it". I'm going to be sure there isn't any kind of mental or emotional disorder. Just sayin.
Nov 25, 2010
Really? by: Holycrap
What is wrong with you people? Take off your belt and handle that child! I'm sorry my son beats up your kid at school, but your "son" shouldn't be playing with dolls on the playgroud. Sensative or not don't coddle your child or they will end up in a trench coat walking through their high school with high powered rifles...
Nov 21, 2010
Your children by: Tom Lucas
Focus on the fact that your children are still very young!! i am an older brother of two 6 year old twins. So what if they still cry at "the lightest of situations'?! the last thing i want is my brother and sister to be bullied at school, so what i do is take them to progressively more challenging situations such as.. favourite thing is not available so choose a substitute or instead of rushing to mum when child thinks they are hurt try and sort it out by directly confronting the child in a humorous way. At the end of the day crying is not a sign of weakness at this age more a reactive instinct, so it can be countered not by the introduction of boxing or any other aggressive sport but by the inauguration of different activities.
Nov 19, 2010
Great book on the subject! by: karimck
I found a book called "Strong, Sensitive Boy" on Amazon.com. My 8 1/2 year old son is very active in sports and very sensitive. Since most of the kids he hangs out with are not sensitive and are raised in households in which being sensitive is seen as a weakness, the other kids do not understand him and it is really starting to interfere with his friendships and, as a result, his general happiness. It breaks my heart because he is an AMAZING kid!
I was a sensitive girl and it was hard for me (still is) but I think it is much, much harder for a boy to deal with. I tell my son (and truly believe) that being sensitive is a gift AND a curse. I think sensitive people feel bad things worse than not-as-sensitive folks but also feel (and appreciate) good things in a more intense way which is quite a blessing, when you think of it.
From the reading I've done, it seems that being "highly sensitive" actually can mean 2 different things. The first being EMOTIONALLY sensitive, which is addressed in the book I mentioned above, and the second being highly sensitive to EXTERNAL STIMULI. I checked out a couple of books from the library about the second type called, "The Sensitive Child" and "The Highly Intuitive Child". My son is definitely the emotionally-sensitive type so I just skimmed both of these books but they were highly recommended on a "highly sensitive person" website that I stumbled upon.
Good luck to you all-I hope my humble opinions help-I can't tell you how I worry about my son! His pain is my pain times about 100 (it feels like)!
Sep 10, 2010
Maybe depression by: Anonymous
My son is also very sensitive. My wife thinks that he is depressed/anxiety maybe ocd. Everyone should take a quick look at the symptoms of child depression, you will be surprised. My son has just gotten off of anti depression meds bc he was doing much better but now he is acting out again.
Aug 20, 2010
Another good book for parents of boys by: Anonymous
I, too, have a sensitive, emotional, dramatic boy who cries a lot. It's not so much the crying often that frustrates me. It's the never ending crying. He'll just go on and on, at which point I take him to his room and tell him he can come out when he's calm. This works but not if we need to leave the house at that time. I've also taught him how to breathe through it to calm himself down. It works if he'll do it, but sometimes he's too upset or just too stubborn and just continues with the tantrum, the whining, the crying. I just don't always have the time or the energy to hold him until he's calm. Besides, I'm not sure if that's even what's best for him. I'm not always going to be there. He needs to know how to calm himself down without me. Anyways, I have found Dr. James Dobson's book, "Bringing Up Boys" pretty helpful. Especially for parents who are concerned about their son being homosexual or becoming homosexual. Good luck everyone.
Aug 01, 2010
hi by: Anonymous
Okay, for all of you out there worried about your "crybaby" kids, instead of trying to "toughen them up" and make them act like "real men", which will only traumatize them more, you should become more familiar with their temperament. From what I've read, it sounds like all these kids are what Dr. Elaine Aron calls "highly sensitive". It's not a bad thing, quite the opposite in fact; this trait, seen in 15-20% of the population, has many great assets, including a great empathy for people, and an amazing ability to notice details and subtleties. Unfortunately, like all temperaments, high sensitivity does have its down side; excessive sensitivity to noise, light, scratchy clothing, etc. a, relatively low pain threshold, and a tendency to cry easily. I highly recommend you read Dr. Aron's book "The Highly Sensitive Child" before assuming your kids are abnormal.
Jun 26, 2010
6 year old son by: Anonymous
My 6 year old son is the same way! Especially about group activities. I can tell he feels inferior to the other boys. He says things like "I'm not as strong as they are", and "They are just tougher than me". I have tried to go out with him a lot of times and watch him while he's playing basketball or something with the other kids and tell him how good he's doing and that he runs "super fast"! I do and say everything I can to boost his confidence but it hasn't worked. He gives up after trying something one time. All he wants to do is sit inside where it's safe. Yesterday we took him fishing. I caught a 6 inch long perch...He refused to throw it back when I asked him to (which I only asked him to because I wanted him to be included and have the experience of fishing). He watched his three year old brother throw three fish back into the water without getting hurt or bitten, but still screamed bloody murder when I tried to get him to hold the fish! What am I suppose to do? I know he's anxious, his dad and I seperated when he was one. I can't spend the rest of our lives babying him. How can I teach him to deal with problems and not run from them? and to the people who said parents like us are being insensitive and that we need to step up and do our jobs.....You must not have a whiny son!
Jun 21, 2010
its ok to cry by: Itsoktocry
well, the matter depends on certain things. if your child is fragile but isnt bullied, isnt a bit bratty, or behaves very well, its ok if he or she crys often. if your child is only getting bullied, talk to a counslor. it isnt his/her fault someone is being insensitive. If your child acts bratty or dosnt behave, its time to intervene. If your child crys over something small, like just a small bump on the head, comfort her, but dont over do it. example: oh its ok. (rub bump fo r about 20 sec.). then urge him/her to go back to what theyre doing. after doing that, if he/she dosnt start "toughing up", they may need to be tested for ADHD. good luck.
May 12, 2010
asdf by: Anonymous
Wow, you people are pretty insensitive to your own children. "Irritating?" He's your child! Did you ever stop to think that maybe their behavior is the result of a mental health problem for which they need treatment? Obsessive-compulsive disorder comes to mind. You're talking about a 9 year old kid here, not an adult. Kids need encouragement from strong adult role models, not tired, callous, invalidating disparagement. Step up to the plate and fulfill your obligations as a parent and get your kid the treatment he needs.
Apr 22, 2010
yes by: Anonymous
Mine too. Tonight it was drama over a fly while he wasn't eating dinner. Instead of having to deal with the slapping, scratching and eyes following the fly, I recommended he either eat faster or excuse himself. He had a fit because he couldn't finish his dinner. The kids in school call him crybaby, and it's true. He also has ADHD, kleptomania, compulsive lying, OCD, and is an orphan. Many of the signs were before being orphaned. I also have a sense he may be homosexual. It's a bit more than "sensitive".
Anyway some people, even grown, are over dramatical and such, and I think that's just how he is and will be. For me, not being a lover of drama, it just is irritating (from kids, AND adults, lol).
Jan 14, 2010
sweet child by: Anonymous
My 6 year old will also cry over anything. I think maybe we are also to strict on him. I am worried about him. My husband and I come from backgrounds where manners are everything. I am worried that maybe we have pushed that so much that we took away the fun part about being a child. He is such a kind, well-mannered, loving child but I know that he is being pushed around at school and it breaks my heart. I wish I could give him more confidence, but Im not really sure how.
Oct 04, 2009
Isn't that What We Want by: Anonymous
Dont we encourage our children to demonstrate their true feelings, i.e. cry - so what - I personally think being sensitive is a great thing - and I think society trys to make us feel that our children have to be tough. Sorry I think it is a good thing
Aug 28, 2009
Same problem by: Frustrated Dad
Same thing with my son - cries at small things. He's 7 and not that sporty, but he likes to play - and he could ride a bike (no training wheels) by the age of 6.
We are pretty strict - and maybe that's the issue (especially my wife), but we love him and we do play with him. Our daughter is just over a year younger than him - and she can bully him - which we discourage of course. And sometimes he'll cry.
But the bigger problem is at school, where he gets bullied by one kid..and for some time now(before the new kid arrived) he would cry if he didn't win a game.
Now none of the boys want to play with him so he ends up playing with the girls. Not a good thing as I believe this will damage his confidence in the long run..I just don't know what to do..
Aug 17, 2009
my 9 year old son crys to much by: Anonymous
he is very sensitive and when he doesn't get what he wants he starts to cry
Apr 15, 2009
my son is also sensitive by: Anonymous
I am experiencing the same exact thing. My son is this total love bug, but on the other hand, he cries at the slightest things!! He gets hit with something and then he's off! He is total drama and I'm worried that it's going to affect him negatively in the future. I try to ignore him to get him to "toughen Up" a bit, but he just carries on and on to the point where I have to threaten him by takinga way privledges. This isn't solving the problem though. He doesn't want to participate in sports either. Group play is very difficult as well, and he usually ends up hurt and running into the house... you guessed it.. crying! I dont know what to do.
Feb 29, 2008
What we want in a man? by: giftsofgrace.kids.homepagenow.com
I see this as a need for more love(hugs, kisses)- not to say you don't already. I would suggest a pet-dog /cat, or a stufed animal, that they pick right from the store, to hug and love. I think it is just pent-up feelings, that need to be released. Don't forget later on when he grows to be a man, he will be told enough, that he's "not to cry," or "show feelings" as this is not "manly" He needs to be able to have a way to show these- to someone, or something that he loves. hope this helps.
