I have been divorced for 1 year now and i am in a very serious relationship whom which my daughter and i live with. When my daughter is with her dad i'ts all playtime and watching tv. When she is with me she is always talking back to me and has a very bad attitude. She listens to me at the time but then keeps misbehaving. She complains of being bored at home. She says i'm a mean mother and at times says she hates me. She always wants to be with her cousins or her grandparents. How can i get her to listen to me, stop misbehaving and disipline her. Sometimes i feel like giving up.
Comments for
My 7 year old girl has a very bad attitude.
Boundaries, Posotive Attention, and CONSISTENCY by: Anonymous
I have a 7 year old step daughter with the same types of behaviours. She doesn't say she hates us, but she has a disrespectful and condescending attitude, tries to give us orders instead of requests, looks for fights with us and her sister, cries over nothing to get attention, ignores us, stealing from and cheating to win games against her 3yo sister, etc. She's almost like a rude teenager, but at least, believe it or not, this behaviour is less constant and an improvement on her behaviour from when we began to live together two years ago which involved kicking, punching, constant crisis, screaming, and fits, and none of our friends children wanting to play with her because she's too bossy, demanding, rude, selfish, etc. Needless to say, this had a drastically negative effect on our family life. We?ve been able to make improvements so I want to share what's working for us. Her parents have been separated for three years now and the split was a good thing for their daughter. In the relationship they were too busy fighting to give her discipline or positive attention so she developed a habit of getting her way and getting attention with fits and over dramatization of anything and everything. Her mother is too self-absorbed to put energy into her kids and her father was clueless so they resorted to buying peace. Please don't make the same mistake with yours. It's important to set boundaries with your children. They need boundaries to feel that someone cares and that's exactly what they are searching for when they are pushing the limits seeking negative attention. Fortunately, giving positive attention, as many parents here have suggested, is exactly the remedy. However, boundaries must come along with it. We have half custody of my husband's daughter and we have been working with her for the past two years with a punishment and reward system that is predictable and clear for her, by giving her lots of positive one-on-one attention, by modeling and clarifying our expectations in a simple set of rules (basically, the golden rule) that we discuss each and every time she acts out or behaves inappropriately, and most importantly taking the time to talk to her about her feelings and possible reasons for her behaviour when she is calm after a time-out. Her mother still buys piece, neglects her emotions, screams when she's upset with her, and models childish and inconsistent behaviour, etc. so I imagine that our problem with her bad attitude will persist forever, but the consistency and clear expectations and consequences (good and bad)at our house has helped her understand how to be a nice girl and even be motivated to be good because it makes her feel good about herself. It's not as easy for her as most children, but I'm thrilled that at least now she is trying. It's alot of work and still frustrating, but it seems to hold promise for her and our family's future. I hope this helps those of you who still feel overwhelmed.
Feb 15, 2011
Just love them and show it by: Anonymous
I agree about one on one time. Last fall I was working and going to school fulltime so I did not see my children as much as I used to. Since then my daughter (7 years old) developed a horrible attitude. I am now only going to school fulltime and work one day a week. Her sttitude is slowly improving at home. Since we all have chores and homework to do, every night after dinner we have family time and I have time with her little brother. Then, at night, she gets to stay up later so we can have one on one time with no interuptions. She very rarely screams at me that she hates me anymore.
Sep 12, 2010
7 yr old daughter with a really bad attitude problem by: Marie c
I have the same problem with my 7th old daughter, she started when we moved to a different area, I thought it could have something to do with her friends she was playing with. She has now giving everyone her cheek and attitude, I really don't know what to do, she tells me she hates me and wishes god would take her, it breaks my heart to hear her say those things too. I can't cope with her attitude, she's had me in tears the way she speaks to me, she even shouts at her brother who is only 13 month old, she is uncontrollable, a know how you's all feel, it's so hard, I am going to speak to her head teacher see if she can give any advise :(
Jul 27, 2010
7 year old dtr's attitude by: Anonymous
my daughter is 6.5 and has told me she wished she wasnt born, im not a cool mom, her friends all have cool moms, i come from a very lovey and compassionate family and she is not lovey or compassionate and really doesnt like giving me kisses, she's very stubborn. her dad and i are married and she is an only child, she is 75% tomboy and 25% girlie, it hurts my feelings when she says certain things to me and i know i am the adult and know she's just a kid but i find her as being rude, some of the things she says to me i would never think of saying to my mom,she really doesnt get scared or learn from discipline. is this normal?
Jul 17, 2010
7 year old daughter by: Anonymous
Hi there, I am online looking for a solution to my.problew with my daughter. Her father and I.separated just before she was 2, I've been in a relationship with another man for 4yrs now. She too never listens, very cheeky, bickers with 8yrs old brother and I lost my rag and told them both off and told them that I won't do anything for them anymore besides making sure they are fed, clothed and at school. I feel really unappreciated by them both. I feel drained and tired. I don't always want to be telling them off as it were. I want to enjoy them like I used to. It's very easy for others to judge and give their own opinion but unless you are in this situation, you can't judge. Their behavior is partly a reflection on my parenting skills, I've done the best that I could at the time but mums are human too and have flaws.
Jul 10, 2010
7 year old by: Anonymous
My Granddaughter for no reason tonight punched her father in the face. He was so upset he did not know what to do. Anyone have this problem?
Mar 30, 2010
PRAYER by: Anonymous
My seven year old is also struggling. She recently began displaying the same behaviors as you are all speaking of. The Lord really showed me that she is crying out, because she wants to be "heard." She needs to be coddled, and shown how special that she is. She also needs more of a schedule than we have been on. I started working a part time job, and she is "out of sorts." God really showed me that being "hard" on her, and letting her hear me, either with my words or my attitude that she is, "bad," is not the right thing to do.
PRAY... God began a good work in us that He is faithful and just to finish!
Mar 26, 2010
My 7 year old daughter- I don't know what to do!! by: Anonymous
My 7 year old daughters behaviour is fairly similar, I am happily married with a son (10) and daughter(7). My daughter has a bad temper that spirals from nowhere she hits and pinches her brother rather badly at times. Everyday she says I love you mummy before school and before bed. She is a dady's girl but she is always saying Ihate you daddy and my husband replies "well i love you"! Sometimes she will also say "i wish i was dead or not born". I do talk to her but she clams up she is just like i was when i was little! Except i came from a very abusive home in more ways than one, I pledged there was no way i was ever going to treat my children the way i was treated, I find it hard to discipline my daughter. I love her to pieces she always wants to be doing something with mummy drawing, art, puzzles but now she says everything is boring. What can i do?
Mar 23, 2010
Tough but true. by: Mary E.
You're not going to like this but in all honesty I'm just trying to help:
Maybe if you stopped being "mean mommy" and tried to honestly bond with her instead of being grumpy around her she would open up to you more and relate to you more.
Remember, she didn't learn to have a bad attitude out of nowhere. You can't blame her, she is 7. If she likes to spend time with any other adult than you, then YOU are probably the problem.
Work on YOUR attitude first. Everything isn't about controlling your child with an iron fist. Sometimes you just need to relax and try to have fun. :)
Mar 20, 2009
I hear ya!! by: Anonymous
You described my child EXACLTY. Our situations almost mirror each other. My daughter is 7 as well. She says she hates me, i'm horible etc. Not all the time only when she doesn't get what she wants or is in trouble. I don't know what to do. She is at the age where "time-outs" don't really work anymore. They sorta lost their power.
What can I do to teach her that it is wrong and hurtful to keep saying mean things to me. I'm her mother. When she is with her father they too get to do "funner" things. At home with me she has chores and homework resonsiblities but we have fun too. She doesn't understand that I have rules because I love her.
Troubled Parent, San Jose, Ca
Feb 09, 2009
It's probably a stage by: Vanessa
I was glad to read your post. As we have a seven year old with attitude, showing all the same behaves. It's a very difficult time, but patience and a little understaing will go along way I believe.... And maybe time out for mum is needed....
Feb 03, 2009
Attention Deficit by: Anonymous
You know sometimes we parents suffer Attention Deficit disorder too. We don't pay enough attention to our kids. Did you know that just 15minutes of 1 on 1 time with your daughter, doing what SHE wants, with none of our "adult" rules will make a world of difference? Also, she might be feeling replaced by the new man in your life. Do you both work to let her know that she is still also your top priority? We parents get busy with our own lives sometimes, but these little ones need us ALL of the time. That is not to say you and your new man don't deserve 1 on 1 time, but with your daughter at her dad's part time, you should get plenty of that, to be able to let her know that she is still #1 the rest of the time. Sorry, don't know your personal situation, just know that I grew up with an alcoholic mother that always has and still puts her men before her children. Don't make THAT mistake. She WILL hate you for it one of these days.
