My 14 year old stepson wants my wife and I to divorce
by M
(California)
I severely need some help here, hoping that my wife and I can get some relief. I could fill up pages and pages but to condense all of this, my wife and I have been married for 5 years, together for 6. I have 3 biological children from a different marriage, ages 22,15 and 12. She has two children ages 21 and 14. I have visitation with my children every other weekend, midweek, holidays and summer. My stepson (14) lives with us full time.
My relationship with my stepdaughter (21) has always been strained to say the least, and trickles down to my stepson. In October last year, I disciplined my stepson verbally for not behaving, and said something that I can easily see could be taken out of context and probably should not have said, and in turn he said something not so nice back to me. My 15 year old son was there listening, and feeling that my stepson was being completely disrespectful to me, he text my stepson some things he should not have said at all.
To make a long story shorter, both my stepdaughter and my stepson have now told my wife that if I am around, neither will have anything to do with her, as well as my stepson saying he will move to his fathers 1000 miles away. I have had a very good at times on again off again relationship with my stepson, he is a good boy, I don't want to alienate him, certainly don't want him to abandon his mother, but I also want to stay married to her as I love her and my kids love her.
I know a lot of this makes no sense, but I'm hoping someone has had similar issues and can shine some light here.
Comments for
My 14 year old stepson wants my wife and I to divorce
M. ensure that your wife stands with you in this matter-so discuss it at length with her-even the possibility of the boy leaving-(your children respect and love her and you should have the same response from her kids). Then honestly state your position to the children involved in the presence of your wife. Up to this point you have handled the situation pretty right. There are no guidelines for you or anyone to follow in such a complex family relationship (made the harder because of the obvious contempt for you by the 21 year old girl-who also inflames the boy against you). What appears to be the right way to approach a matter may be the wrong thing in retrospect and vice versa-so don't beat yourself up about this. Ensure in this stating your position that your care for all the children and certainly that you love the 14 year old. However, if they want to break up your marriage, then firmly and categorically agree and even insist, that it would be better for e.g. that the 14 year old left. I am sure that he will think twice before leaving. Actually by reprimanding him earlier in the process, you only did what had to be done! If he intends to stay then firmly state that he can only stay if he will cooperate and work with you on improving the relationship-you don't want an enemy ruining your home!
