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Feb 14, 2008 Help for both father and child by: Anonymous What an unthinkable situation. Although focused on the thoughts, feelings and adjustment of the three-year-old, bear in mind that the father will be equally adjusting as well. Further, given the apparent impulsivity of the mother, there remains a likelihood that she will come to regret her decision and seek to rescind it. The husband would be well advised to consider supportive counselling for himself to deal with the rug being pulled from beneath him, his upset, anger, bewilderment and then likely anxiety and depression. Having someone professional for him to turn to will take away any pressure to commiserate with his young child and thus avoid the risk of projecting or burdening the child with his issues. As for the child, given the age, there is no way for this child to comprehend the change cognitively. The child will simply experience a significant loss and will likely present as being lost him or herself. Further, one may expect to see upset, trouble eating and sleeping and toileting disturbances during the period of the child’s adjustment. Father and supportive family members must be gentle, yet firm with respect to reasonable behavioural expectations, such that the loss doesn’t equal permission for misbehaviour that in turn can take on a life of it’s own, unchecked. It is OK for the child to be upset, but unacceptable behaviour is just that. Teach the child to express his or herself with words, drawings or puppets or action figures. Although discussion with the child may not prove fruitful, play with puppets that go through the scenario and describe the feeling of the child may help in the child’s adjustment. Such play should also have a future orientation, such that the puppet is shown to adjust happily with the remaining parent over time. In the event the mother seeks to return, the risk is that the child will be subject to that parent coming in and out of their life. This is tantamount to teasing, a form of emotional abuse. The stability of the mother must be ascertained and she must be apprised of the need for her consistency and permanency in the life of the child, should she return. Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW (905) 628-4847 gary@yoursocialworker.com http://www.yoursocialworker.com Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report. Call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques and workshops. X Close Editor Feb 14, 2008 Rating Submitted by: Anonymous Title Comment What an unthinkable situation. Although focused on the thoughts, feelings and adjustment of the three-year-old, bear in mind that the father will be equally adjusting as well. Further, given the apparent impulsivity of the mother, there remains a likelihood that she will come to regret her decision and seek to rescind it. The husband would be well advised to consider supportive counselling for himself to deal with the rug being pulled from beneath him, his upset, anger, bewilderment and then likely anxiety and depression. Having someone professional for him to turn to will take away any pressure to commiserate with his young child and thus avoid the risk of projecting or burdening the child with his issues. As for the child, given the age, there is no way for this child to comprehend the change cognitively. The child will simply experience a significant loss and will likely present as being lost him or herself. Further, one may expect to see upset, trouble eating and sleeping and toileting disturbances during the period of the child’s adjustment. Father and supportive family members must be gentle, yet firm with respect to reasonable behavioural expectations, such that the loss doesn’t equal permission for misbehaviour that in turn can take on a life of it’s own, unchecked. It is OK for the child to be upset, but unacceptable behaviour is just that. Teach the child to express his or herself with words, drawings or puppets or action figures. Although discussion with the child may not prove fruitful, play with puppets that go through the scenario and describe the feeling of the child may help in the child’s adjustment. Such play should also have a future orientation, such that the puppet is shown to adjust happily with the remaining parent over time. In the event the mother seeks to return, the risk is that the child will be subject to that parent coming in and out of their life. This is tantamount to teasing, a form of emotional abuse. The stability of the mother must be ascertained and she must be apprised of the need for her consistency and permanency in the life of the child, should she return. Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW (905) 628-4847 gary@yoursocialworker.com http://www.yoursocialworker.com Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report. Call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques and workshops. Cancel Delete Delete & Ban Updating Comments page...

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