I am the father of two boys: Marc (15) and Ryan (12), moreover I am the host dad of an European exchange student named Kai since a few weeks. Kai ist 15 years old like my older boy. Regrettably his behaviour was quite unpleasant right at the beginning of his stay, and several warnings were necessary. I made it clear to him that I will not tolerate such a behaviour and that he has to respect my house rules; otherwise a punishment would be unavoidable. Unfortunately my warnings failed: last night Kai came more than three hours too late at home, and moreover I finded out that he had smoked (without permission, of course). So I decided that a punishment is necessary now. But I am unsure what kind of punishment is appropriate. When I punish my own boys for such misbehaviour, I spank them with a paddle (on bare butt). But I hesitate to punish Kai in this way, because I am only the host dad. On the other hand, I believe a harsh punishment is nesseccary: I fear, a lenient punishment would give a bad example for my own sons. How should I treat Kai? Any kind of advice is welcome.
Comments for
How should I punish an exchange student?
Remember, that you HOST a fes, not ADOPT. If he've never been threaten like that back home, you shouldn't start it. If my host family would ever think about touching me, not even spanking, I'd call cops.
Jan 09, 2012
What on earth......NEW by: Jake
A lot of sensible comments have been made regarding the subject concerning dealing with problem exchange students. It is a shame that the most recent entry of annonymous comes up with silly advice.
Jan 03, 2012
how to punish exchange student by: Anonymous
Spank him as u do ur own sons. I'd e-mail his parents and inform them that u plan on spanking him in the am, why u plan to, that it's how u discipline ur own sons, even the 15 yr old, and how, the paddle on his bare behind, and the # os swats, let's say 30. Ask them to e-mail u back immediatedly to say it is ok. If they refuse, tell them u plan on asking that he move on to another home, as u expect him to follow the rules in your home! They will most likely agree, not wanting to have him move. Spank him in front of your sons, hard! That will show him u mean business, and let him know he will get the same if he continues to disobey!
Dec 19, 2011
by understanding by: veggie
have you tried talking to him? a exchange student? he may face several problems. - peer pressure -loneliness -miss his family and stuff? you may want to understand him a bit more before taking any action. he smokes? is it because he wants to join the cool people in school? his bad behavior may be temporary and may be due to the drastic change in his surrounding. you may consider sitting down and have a chat with him to find out more about his problems. i wish you all the best.
Nov 26, 2011
Not easy by: Benny
It is far from easy to look after visiting adolescent boys. But spanking, Never!
Nov 22, 2011
You did well Karim by: Murcrat
Yes it is not always easy to look after kids in your care. We have give hospitality to many young boys over many years. It is very costly but so difficult. But we do it to help. Me and my wife can understnd better then Kalim who wrote about his experiences as a Balkan kid. He found the people had done him good and they even gave him money when he left. But he thinks that it was not so nice that he had to have a shower under suprvusion of the Dad of the family where he stayed. But he did the right thing from his view. We have had to do the same thing we get boys 13-16 and they shower sometimes but never properly. Their father never showed them. So I was forced to help these boys also. Nothing is worse then the smell of unwashed teen boys in adolecense or puberty. You can't offend them by saying you stink. But by helping them they do not like it and feel shy for you to see them bare. But after they always are happy you help them. Boys are boys and it does not worry me if they are undressed and they know that. Karim knew also that the Dad meant no harm.
Nov 18, 2011
I love it by: Kalim
I love that way Mr Belamby shows how it can happen with a excahnge student.I was not an excange student, but under a system of Help a Balkan Kid, I stayed with a host family 5 years ago, i was 14 clsoe to 15. The mother in the place I stayed was good but very thin like servant to husband who was always loud and bossy also big with a belly. His 4 boys, 6 and 10, 13 and 16 were nice but always careful with their Dad. He never needed reason to punish for not doing anything wrong also. If they did wrong then he become very mean. I hear so often Pants Down Boy. And then the boy quickly do as he said, they just stand in singlet, and he asks them what they did wrong. The boys always agree that they did wrong but when they did no wrong they still said that they did because the Dad said so. Then he ask them what punishment do I give you for your bad behaviour. He kept asking them for a long time over and over, until the boy say I need a hard spanking Dad, he spanked them with hands but not that badly. Lucky for me he only yelled at me and sometimes hit me on my bum but never made me undress, he said these Balkan kids are to thin for my treatment. But I hated when on weekend he made all the boys me also go in big shower place together. He watched as we strip and told us how to wash myself. He told us to wash our bums and show him it was clean and also wash under foreskin boy, he made fun of me and they all laughed because I did not have a foreskin. I nearly died of shame and wanted my mum and Dad. I stayed 5 months and they feed me well and gave me some money when I left. Well they were not bad to me and the boys were good friends,they said that they loved there mum and Dad, but were a bit careful with him, for his temper. But I still felt worried and missed my home, even if we were poor. But I learned a lot and learned English and now work in an office with good money, so it helped me, and I am still thankful for them because they mean well and never hurt me.
Nov 17, 2011
Albanian exchange student by: Alex
I stayed 2 years ago with a family 3 girls 6,9 and 13. I read of some troubles of host parents treating them hard. But I was 16 and they were so nice to me and wanted to know about Albania and had friends come and me go to their friends. At school there were a few kids that were not so nice but I'm strong they don't touch me easy. They were very good the host family and the mum and dad and children all liked me. They gave me a lecture once or 2 times when I stayed out later then agreement. But spanking or hitting never. They are real nice people, so students don't need be afraid there are ni\ot good people everywhere.I would never have them spank me like this man Norm Hanson did his kids and the student. Thanks Alex.
Nov 16, 2011
Nonsense by: Belamby
Norm: Without realising it, you appear excited to deal with the miss-behaving student, you have a paddle ready, and you call a correction a punishment! You fore-shadow that since your 12 and 15 year old sons are stripped off pants and undies or altogether bare and spanked painfully. The boy 'under your tender care' will eventually face the same fate. The student lad-needs (in your words) 'to be punished harshly.' If I was an exchange student reading your plans, I would prefer the guillotine than to be staying at your residence. Though the staying at your residence would perhaps be tolerable-but that you being there would make my student hairs stand on end! One thing puts me off immediately; no mention of a wife. More than likely she is just the cook and clean up servant-not a modifying motherly figure, who would provide a lovely home for the young boy-lonely and away from his parents. If my dad would despatch me to the likes of you, I would put my meagre savings together and hire a bodyguard-but instinct tells me that your guard dogs would soon rip him to pieces. Look at it from the student's point of view scenario: 'Kai, sit down my lad we need to talk!' Kai sits down looking anxious at the sweaty face of his host dead, who-beady-eyed-observes him from top to toe. 'Kai, you have not behaved like I like boys in my house to behave, do you agree?'(Puts his hand on Kai's trembling shoulder). I'm sorry Sir, I didn�t mean to behave outside your rules in future I will.......' 'No Kai, there is no future until we deal with you, you can return home to your Dad in disgrace or accept my punishment!' Kai agrees to accept the punishment. Soon, the boy is robbed of his modesty, and is soon a tearful wreck clutching a red striped sore bum. But naturally Norm the host Dad, is not finished: Kai has to thank him for the privilege of having received a fine spanking! Now he can stand in the corner naked till it behoves Norm to let him get dressed. When he is finally allowed to get dressed and restored to some modicum of dignity. The 'friendly' words of Norm echo in his turmoiled brain: 'Kai, remember, my lad, one step wrong and.............!'
Nov 10, 2011
Always be concerned by: Misha
We have a 15 year old Serbian exchange student at our family of 2 girls, 6 and 8 and my boy of 13. His parents wanted me to treat son as my own, also when he get into trouble. My boy Finn always gets it on the bare butt when in trouble. So when the student boy behaves bad by stealing some money, he knows he will get it also on the bare. But Javor is a thin shy boy, very well under developed. And so immature I have to be very careful when spanking him. He was over sensitive and painful modest,he will not strip for his correction and starts crying loud. So he stays in undies then over my knee. Then I just ease the undies down jus enough to get at the bum I smack him not hard and he keeps his front covered. So it is best to treat all guests with concern. He is fine now and also a good boy!
Oct 17, 2011
Do it with care by: Boris
I find that my 2 bio boys benefit most by a little reddening of the bare bum by hand. Yes they are fine 12 and 13 years age. Visiting boys under my care, with parent agreement always get the same. As they behave like small kids, they are treated like small kids. It helps them understanding that bad actions means bare bum. Yes they hate it, but a few smacks and a bit of humiliation, cures kids very well. To spank boys hard is mad to spank lightly and in love that good for boy good for dad.
Oct 13, 2011
I understand by: Bing
Yes, it is not easy to bring up kids today.
The comments by Hamus mostly are sensible.Reb and others also show understanding when it comes to the difficult task of maintaining good order when an exchange student or other kid enters the household for a time.I've been through this as have most other parents, who entrusted ,for some time with a child not their own. As a last resort a dad would spank his own brood but only after all else fails to correct them (always clothed in my opinion). But spanking the exchange boy is not on. No, not even if his father agreed a million times to this procedure. As was mentioned by one correspondent, the word punishment for a start is wrong. Grounding/deprevation of certain privileges can be applied.Care and support him, praise him when you can and provide fatherly affection. But show you are the boss and-----if nothing else works, well tel his family you no longer wish to look after a boy who will not be corrected. Return him where he came from at the earliest opportunity, but don't touch him!
Oct 12, 2011
I can't belive it by: Anonymous
Are you really sure that your are talking about punishment on children. You know that we are living in 2011. That it's not allowed to beat children? That it's not acceptable. Maybe in your country that's okay. But in mine, we are living in a civilization. Kind regards from Germany.
Oct 10, 2011
Help them by: Reb
We had an exchange student from Europe (N/France)a bright sparkling youngster, just over 14. He fitted in well with my kids 2 girls 9,12 and a son 13, who is also a brighty, but a bit naughty at times-but never real bad. The girls adored him and my son also got on pretty well with Pierre. My wife handles the girls when in trouble I handle the boy. He never gets it bare butt and is dressed only in singlet and very brief undies for the occasions. I use a flat rubber spatula, so that I don't hurt my kid to much and just spank him a few time on the bum and thighs until he cries. He keeps his modesty and it still hurt plenty. The exchange kid was treated the same way. His dad and me agree beforehand, that I could treat him like my own in disciplinne.Years ater we still corespond.
Oct 09, 2011
With care by: Pop
Bob's got many valid points in what he says. But what's the big deal about giving him the bare butt special.The boy knows the other kids get it on the tail end so he is made to feel so special that everybody changes to please the little King from Europe. Believe me he will feel better if treated like everyone. Boys that age if spanked by a trusted dad or male guardian are happy to be like the others and bare it-They are still lovely young boys. Yes, baring means humiliation, meaning -you will be treated like you are in behaviour a small kid. Note: in some case bare bum spanking and thigh spanking or naked spanking can be for some lads just into puberty traumatic. If this is the case, tight undies and extra spanks.
Oct 05, 2011
Be nice to him by: Bob
Yeah, I agree with Hamus and Rick that the fmaily should approve if discipline is give to the guestboy. I think Norman thinks to much about punishment a word that is not right when you mean helping a 15 year old kid to get it right. Correction or discipline fine,but punishment-he is not in jail. Get it right man. The dad also wants to spank all boys the same bare butt, and the guest boy now must also have it on the bare. Could consider given 12 year old and 15 year old for a change be spanked in undies and the guesboy also spanked in undies. Suggest what I do for my 2 kids 14 and 16. They are having a private shower first do that to, boys can be smelly at that age and fear of spanking makes it worse. Have them wearing undies bend down tight over back of chiar, hands on seat. Carefully adjust undies by pulling into the natural cleft so that bum cheeks are there to spank. I don't like your kids and guestboy wearing only a shorty singlet as Rick does. Be real man this exposes the boys in critical areas to much. Yet you say that boys that age are lovely.The older ones now being well developped are deprived of the modesty they naturally need at that age. So deal with them fairly and like my kids, not only do I love them but they love me also really. So don't punish them and forgive after discipline and love them.
Oct 04, 2011
He must be spanked by: Rick
Norm,If you got approval of his dad-go for it I can get a bit into your situation, having a 13 year old stepkid. Kai sounds basically like a good kid and is so lucky to have a host dad prepared to treat him like his own 12& 15 year old sons. Paddling him bare butt will make him more mature-even if it makes his pride disappear and his bum red. At that age boys are still so lovely and compliant.I suggest that after his spanking give him-like I do my own boy 20 minutes corner time. Him just wearing a shorty singlet will feel suitably humiliated when he after stands in front of you telling how sorry he is and onlyt hen give him his clothes back. Kai gets hugged and is forgiven and hopefully you have fine relationship
Oct 01, 2011
Get parental consent by: Hamus
Explain to Kai (which you probably have done) that his continuing poor behaviour will not be tolerated any longer.Butunless the parents provided a clear mandate for you to chastise him in the way you see fit don?t touch him. (if they have given this mandate)deal withhim as you would your sons) If in doubt or you are vague about the form of chastisement acceptable to his parents, contact them by letter/email detailing the problem which-is-dividing-your -household. Within 24 hours you should have from his parent?s clarification in writing (if this was not provided already) about these points: A) what type of disciplinary action the kid received at home B) does the father agree the disciplinary action you mete out to your sons can be duplicated for his son e.g. bare bottom spanking/bare corner time/ loss of privileges or whatever is applicable, be specific C) If he does not agree with your method, then specify what action he wishes you to take in order to chastise the boy and remedy his dis-obedience D) If he does not agree with any action by you) will he kindly have his rebellious son placed at another home- because you will not have good order compromised by the son?s behaviour I wish you the best
