I have been questioned about spanking my son's! They are 16, 14 and 12. We moved to this development in December, and my boys quickly made lots of friends. One of the parents questions me on the fact I spank my boys! Her son had been over when I gave his friend, my 14 year old a hard spanking. I did take him in the den, took down his jeans and briefs, and had him bend over the chair where I gave him 15 strokes with my belt. This is normal in our household, and in fact, I sometimes give more than 15. As usual, there was alot of crying and pleading, which is something I expect! After his spanking, I allowed him 5 min. to stay by himself, and then out to play!
Two days later, at a scout meeting, the Mom came over and asked me why I spanked him. I was sort of taken aback, and said that was how we deal with poor behavior. She said I should use other methods, but did not suggest any!A week later, my older boy needed a spanking, and we were in the garage, so I spanked him there. Same way, as with his brother, but he deserved a longer and harder spanking so he got 25 strokes! He's more macho than his bros, so he doesn't cry and scream, just grunts. It was clear that you could hear a belt striking teen flesh, which never seemed to be a problen where we lived prio. Most of the neighbors there spanked their kids.
An hour later, a police car stopped, and an officer came up to me in the garage. My 16 year old was working on the car with me, well recovered from his thrashing. The cop said he had a complaint from a neighbor about me abusing my sons! He asked me and I told him we believe in spankings. He said he was a father of 2 sons, and also smaked. He asked me if I was too severe. John, my oldes said he got the spanking, deserved it, and said, I'll show you my behind! The cop said no, he believed this paticular neighbor had also reported other families on the block. He suggested that I spank inside, where she isn;t able to see or hear!
My wife is upset, and I said we were not letting someone interfer with our beliefs. The next day I spok to another neighbor, and told him what occured. He said she does this everytime a new family moves in, and that most of the other families do spank their kids!
Now, my wife only wants me to spank the boys in the basement, where she feels no one knows. To me, as a Christian, I feel this is wron. I have spanked my sons in the bedrooms, Lr, and garage, and feel I can discipline tham the way we believe.
Have any parents had a similar issue, and what have you done?
Thank you for answering.
Comments for
Do you spank, We have a neighbor who interfers
No matter the good intentions of all correspondents, if a child needs chastisment then modesty should be observed. There is no need taking pants down at all. The idea of just giving a few firm smacks on a boy or girl's fully clothed bottom, is all that's needed.Belittling a boy by e.g. a father by stripping him and then heaping further indignities on the lad is counter productive. So I disagree with all who do not allow a child to have modesty under all circumstances. A home should be just that, a place bwhere child finds love and happiness, not punishment and degradation. Johno
Mar 10, 2012
Do the right thing to the kids by: Metra
I admire the recent Anonymous writer who in relation to boy punishment wich included:Cold showers, foreskin retractions, spanking the anus and humiliation said 'If my father had used some of the tactics these fathers have used, I would have complied outwardly, but inside I would have been seething and rest assured as an adult, I would have kept my distance.' It is certainly admirable, that this man disagrees with that type of punishment, but yet would willingly, though reluctantly allow his Dad to do this in obedience to him. I also feel for Dimitar, who has seen his cousin Iordan end up in a boy Reform School, where callously the youth were mistreated. But while I understand that parents would use humiliating punishments in order to get sense into them, and I would not condemn them altogether. My wife and I are determined never to inflict any of these terrible punishments on our beloved boys, who are 8,12 and 15. (or my daughters) I believe that hitting a boy on the tender very private anus-will alienate my children and I believe that this can never be considered a loving chastisment. Surely a few mild smacks on a bare boy bottom hurts and shames the boy in a loving family enough, without having to blister and destroy by over punishing a boy. Also, how making a boy retract his foreskin and giving him cold showers can benefit him at all, is beyond me.
Mar 05, 2012
I would not by: Ralph
Having 3 girls and 2 boys I would never spank them (the wife chastises the girls)by spanking their tender very private anus or have them retract the foreskin nor force them to have cold showers. My boys are now 10 and 14 and like all the boys naughty at times. But this does not mean that I have the right to say to all parents do it my way. There are times when some parents have told me that the behaviour of their kids is so bad that this treatment acts as a wake up to them. If it would prevent a boy from ending up in a reform school as mentioned by Dimitar, then I leave that punishment to the parents. But no matter what, I can never punish my boys that way. As long as we parents remember, we are there for the children and for their benefit, theN all will work out well.My boys know that for real bad behaviour it is bare bum and a reasonably firm and painful warming of the bum follows.
Feb 28, 2012
HELP SOMETIME HURTS by: Dimitar
Anonymous says that some punishment given by parents mostly Dads to sons which include Cold showers, foreskin retractions, spanking the anus and humiliation are all things that men would not want done to them, so why should your "beloved" son have to submit to those things?"
Ofcourse none of those things mentioned, boys would not want done to them. But going to prison for wrong doings men would not want also. Any form of punishment for wrong, no men likes. So that is not the point. My cousin Iordan at 15 was in a youth reform Centre in his country for 3 months. Even for little poor behaviour and sometimes for not doing anything wrong he was at times beaten bare butt for even small wrong doings. What he hated was the pain, but more the laughter of looking on guards when he was hit many times in the sensitive anus area. Or when regularly with other boys he was made to have freezing showers-and yes always he had to pull back his foreskin because they wanted the boys should be involved in their own punishment. How different it is when a father spanks a son not to hard on the anus to get a message home. Or when a father tries to make his son obedient and tells him because of love to retract the foreskin, to humiliate the boy yes for obedience and submission, because all else failed!
Feb 26, 2012
I agree with a lot by: Zachry
A lot of things anonymous approves and disaproves of I agree with. But that he disagrees with :Cold showers, foreskin retractions, spanking the anus and humiliation is surprising. Sure no one would use all these methods all at once, but if it helps a son not to become a thief or drug addicts these methods may have to be used. There is nothing more humiliating then seeing a beloved son in jail or recovering from a drug over dose. No Dad loves to tell a teen lad to retract a foreskin as this humiliates the boy. But the purpose of doing these actions goes far beyond mere humiliation-though this is undoubtedly part of it. It humilates-but above all makes the boy be submissive. Submission to treatment is a vital part before a cure can be affected. Cold showers likewise condition a boy to self control, very essential to bring about healing.
Feb 18, 2012
observations by: Anonymous
One key thought here is the need for a change when a boy goes through puberty. We use the term "preteen" to describe a boy about to hit puberty. In the same sense, a post pubescent boy is now a "pre man". In defference to this achievement, a father should begin to lessen his control of the young man. It is now that humiliation should not be part of his discipline. Think of it as a mentoring partnership. I am observing a tendency of controlling fathers to tighten their control after their son goes through puberty. The young man is now trying to learn how to be a man, which results in a what some fathers see as a challenge to their authority. This a natural progression of life and it is necessary for the young man to begin to make his own decisions and face the consequences. Long before he leaves your home, he should be ready to be self sufficient. How can he do that if he is still being controlled and humiliated and spanked by his father?
The same is true in non spanking households. If you do not let go of controll, then when he leaves your home, he will be an undisciplined adult. For all of the rules in our Christian home, it did nothing to prepare me to be a man. If my father had used some of the tactics these fathers have used, I would have complied outwardly, but inside I would have been seething and rest assured as an adult, I would have kept my distance. Cold showers, foreskin retractions, spanking the anus and humiliation are all things that men would not want done to them, so why should your "beloved" son have to submit to those things?
On the other side, spankings will not hurt the young man permanetly. Up until the 1950's spanking was a common occurence. Spanking is simply one tool a parent has in raising kids. Abuse should never be allowed, but for every spanking that is heard or seen, there are plenty that are administered out of sight and sound. I feel that most of these situations are not abusive, however, some of these fathers will find out one day that their sons were not ok with it and those sons will cut thehir fathers out of their lives.
Spank out of love and never humiliate a young man!
Nov 16, 2011
Yuk by: Kent
Agree with Belamby. Make me puke to read that Norm take his kid to his den, rips down his jeans and briefs, and bend him over the chair. A kid -at an age where simply by nature need and desreve privacy is undressed by his Dad as well. What this means is: a young delightful boy well into puberty is treated by his father like he is a mere object. He has no rights-Norm acts out, that 'I your father can rip off your pants and briefs exposing your private area and bum, and hit you like I would a snarling dog. But mind he wants the world to approve of it. I'm sure you are a red faced, sweaty, child hating sicko!
Nov 11, 2011
All kids are jewels by: Belamby
Rod lawsen, 'in the Forum question�, seeks justification for viciously belting,(up-to-25 hits-no-less) on the bare behinds of his hapless brood, consisting of sons aged 12;14 and 16. Depriving children as old as 16 of their right to modesty and privacy-is in itself horrific! (This is so well explained by Forum correspondent, Ross, as he examples his own 13 year old sensitive precious son).Rod vividly describes how demeaning he treats his boys 'he (Rod)'takes down their jeans and briefs', here a fine youngster is deprived of his decent covering and shamed in front of his friend!
Worse, the father makes this belting a neighbourhood theatre. Yet he and his wife, also desire public approval for damaging their 3 lovely lads. What a prize, what a gift to have 3 boys like they have and what a shame to see Rod waste his opportunity to make fine men of these boys by moulding and working and striving for their good.
How sad also that these boys will hate him for his cruelty one day-even sadder that the man and his wife are unaware of causing collateral damage to young children who are more precious than the most valuable jewels.
A shaming smack on the clothed bottom of a child is up to the parents; sheer brutality can never be justified! B.
Nov 09, 2011
Sensitive boy by: Ross
Rob,I can understand that neighbors interfere when 14 year old boy is mercilessly spanked bare, apparently in front of his friend and noted by neighbors. The hurt to the kid from the spanking is doubled as he is now deprived of the modesty, kids naturally need and deserve at that age. His friend watches as the boy well into puberty receives a rotten correction while he is naked and vulnerable. My 13 year old, a sensitive and very private lad who would die, and never forgive, me if he had to strip and then belted in front of bystanders. I can just understand a bit about what happened the boy who was belted by his dad would have pleaded, please not in front of my friend Dad!
Rob, all this leads me to conclude that you don't understand that a correction should benefit children, not destroy them. It is not right anyhow, to spank a boy of 14 on the bare butt, which again shows that you don't really love him. Ask his forgiveness, and never be so foolish again!
Oct 31, 2011
Excessive spanking by: Anonymous
Oh my, I believe in spanking and have and do spank my kids. Never on bare skin. This is too painful and is abusive. Hit a child 15 times with a belt on a bare bottom is excessive and abusive. When I have spank my kids it is 2-3 times and that is it. I feel that you are hitting out of anger than as a punishment. Only you can answer that for yourself. I have a rule for myself never hit in anger. It is abusive. Also, as my kids grew older (range 6 to 19) the spanking stop as they are not reasonable. I rarely spank my 9 year, the offense has to be several and detrimental to her safety. Are you breaking your children spirits? Have you bruise them? A spanking should never be so excessive that it bruises. Do you have a pastor or clergy that you can consult with? I can't get pass that you hit your teenagers 15 - 25 times, at some point in that process do you think I am out of control because for someone to hit another person that many times must be.
Oct 17, 2011
Love them by: Hans
I think using a belt and laying into his kids Rob is really overdoing it. It sounds more like a vengeful action than a correction. My 2 boys, a preteen lad 11 and 15 year old lad, I agree with Slim that Dads must spank in love. I and the lads don't go for cold showers as part of correction-my lovely boys could become sick. They do have a warm shower before spanking, in order to relax their muscles and help body tone. This gives me a chance to observe in a relaxed non threatening fashion that the boys are developing OK. Of course they retract the foreskin for male cleaness,not punishment. As in a normal family my boys are not ashamed to have Dad present they discuss happily any developmental problem they may have.
Once dressed in brief undies they are ready for corrective action.
This consists with the lads going over my knee, undies adjusted carefully so the bum cheeks are visible. They just get a very moderate hand spank, just redden the boy bum. Then pants off, they stand up and bend over, hands on heels to prevent clenching and one light warning smack on the exposed boy anus. This is an obedience exercise between Dad and his lad. Hugs, and the boy is forgiven,a clean start is now ahead. The result a happy loving dad and sons!
Sep 28, 2011
Do it with more love by: Slim
I agree with Hank in most areas.Spanking kids is done in the family.I have 5 kids, the daughters are my wife to chastise. The boys 7,11 and 13 I mine to chastise.I think that the father who belts the boys should reduce the force and number of hits with his belt or just use his hand or wooden,plastic spoon. This is not for criticism, but for concern. My boys get it always with the hand, and like Hank's with hands on knees and legs wide open. We are a very loving lot and the boys always feel sorry for each othrs spanking, which they all witness.The 7 year old never gets it bare bum,but the other 2 always. I could not try Hank's method of cold showers completely,because I would have ended up with 3 frozen naked lads. Instead I had the temperature on moderately cool. Pulling back foreskin is not required because I think all boys in the family are for hygene circumsized. I did not spank with a spoon on the anus, that is silly and my boys would not want it. The boys accepted that this shower before spanking was done in love and axcepted it well but they liked the spanking better without it, and we will not repeat it. As always my boys after spanking thank and kiss me and the family bond is strengthened, and the bad boy forgiven.
Sep 19, 2011
Make it a family thing by: Hank
What a fantastic lot of boys you have: aged 12 , 14 and 16. Your neighbour probably only has 1 child and maybe jealous. As a woman she should not interfere and judge how a loving father chastises his lads, more so because your wife supports you as well.. Now as far as the punishment goes for the 14 year old boy, what you did is fine, but obviously it is best after this experience, to make punishments with no one outside the family present. I have 2 boys Flip 9 and Mark 15, I punish them when they do the wrong thing. They are also encouraged to witness each other?s punishments, but must not snicker or make unpleasant remarks or gestures; ( my 13 year old daughter is not allowed to be present). A typical punishment for serious offences like stealing or persistent lying is firstly designed not so much to humiliate the child, but to make him submissive so that he thinks twice before he loses the privileges he normally enjoys. It goes like this: My boy is made to have a cold shower observed by dad and male sibling. Both ensure that every nook and cranny of the offending lad?s anatomy is thoroughly cleaned. It is particularly embarrassing when one boy is already well into puberty and the other one is not, and then dad tells him you must wash under your foreskin. After the shower the boy remains unclothed, is told why he gets spanked and must give reasons why he will improve from now on. When the spanking commences, the boy must bend over with hands on knees, and legs wide open. Butt clenching will incur extra spanking. He is spanked by hand, until his thighs and cheeks are bright red. Then with a wooden spoon the tender inner cheeks and anus are also reddened. When finished, his sibling and I hug the lad and a new start is made.
Sep 18, 2011
Why do people not read the whole posts? by: Anonymous
I dont understand why people will only read half a post then comment on it, especialy when the answer, or counter to thier comment is in the next few lines.
Spanking with a belt on teenagers is perfectly fine, it is not abuse, and it doesnt teach them fear. It teaches them that actions have consequenes, as shown when the police officer came and the teen said that he got the punishment he deserved.
Aug 31, 2011
15 to 25 times with a belt is not spanking, it's beating! by: Anonymous
I agree...this is lazy parenting. How do you expect your children, especially teenagers, to learn to think for themselves. I'm sure if the policeman knew your "methods", he wouldn't agree! In another state, this would be child abuse. You don't teach respect with beatings, you teach fear! I am so tired of Christians citing "spare the rod" as an excuse to take their anger and need to "control" others out on their children. The sad part, is your children will grow up to be just as controlling and abusive. The Bible also says "thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me". Do your homework. The rod was used by shepherds as GUIDEANCE, not to beat or punish the sheep. It was held in front of them as a guide to stop them froom wandering and harm. The Bible also says "suffer the children to come unto me and forbid them not" and "lest ye have the faith of a child...". Antoher is "do not provoke your children to wrath but raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord!" It's people like you that give Christianity a bad name. It is not NECESSARY to use physical punishment to guide children. Your only excuse is that it is for YOUR satisfaction! If you can correct them without beatings, why would you resort to that?! I know many children and adult that were raised WITHOUT beatings that are kind, disciplined, productive citizens. And to be honest, EVERY drug addict and alcoholic I have known was raised by a controlling, abusive parent that used GOD as a justification to abuse. God LOVES children....he wants them corrected and disciplines, not beat! You might try reading the new testament...it's pretty enlightening! I stopped spanking my children when they were 8 and 4. It forced me to calm MYSELF down and find logical, natural consequences for them. And the biggest revelation was how often I threatened and spanked for my OWN satisfaction. They have grown to be kind, loving adults who use other methods for their intelligent, compassionate, DISCIPLINED children! Justify it all you want! You are a bully, an abuser and are teaching NOTHING about compassion (something highly regarded by Christ...you know, the man Christianity was named for?). I feel sorry for your wife. You, sir, are no Christian.
Aug 21, 2011
Your Kidding ?? by: Michelle
You sound like a pervert !! If I was that woman I would have every government agency at Your door and have those poor kids taken from You forever !! You should get some psychiatric help Mr. !! Im sure there are special locked facilities where sick sadistic perverts like You belong !! I also love the fact that You call Yourself a "Christian" !!! How dare You call Yourself that !!!
Jul 04, 2011
We believe in spankings by: Anonymous
We believe in spankings too and had a neighbor recently come up and tell us that she think it is abuse. They are from the north and we are from the south. We have totally 2 different backgrounds and upbringings. I think it is wrong for a neighbor to interefere with someone disciplining their child especially if they do not know the child, have not spent time with the child, or understand the psychology behind how teens (i.e., 14 year old girl) over-reacts just to gain attention and stomps on the floor when they barely get 5 or 6 spanks with a belt. I believe the word of God which says the rod of correction will drive foolishness out of a child. If a child yells as if they are being abused, of course neighbors will believe that is what's happening. However, they need to take time and understand the psyche of teen and how they can be very defiant, rebellious, and disrespectful, although you have repeatedly asked them in a calm and slightly firm manner to complete a chore or do something else which the parent requests. In this case, I beleive this causes a need for a child to be spanked versus continually talking with no results.
Jun 08, 2011
Belt spanking by: Anonymous
Please stop spanking your child with a belt. It happened to me when I was little, and I lost all respect for my father. What offense so great can a child make for a grown man to beat them? What kind of grown man beats on a small child? I understand discipline is absolutely important, but not to this extreme! You know they do the same thing to prisoners of war, strip them naked and beat them with something and we call it a war crime. How much more horrible is it for an adult, and a parent of the victim, to do this to an innocent child? By the way, they stripped Jesus down and beat him with leather whips as a severe form of punishment before they crucified him. Think of a better way. That is why God gave you a brain. Stop going for the quick answer to punishment, because it is not teaching. Instead it is simply a result of our own anger. We call it teaching our child to behave, then spank them with a hand. Do not use objects to beat your child. It is considered a war crime, and a severe form of punishment. I am now 29 and look back now as an adult....very sad. The older I get, the less I respect my father for what he did.
Jun 07, 2011
never mind the neighbors by: dave
It is you to you to discipline your children not the neighbor.Having said that you do not have to show the public what you do. Spanking you son in the garage was a bit over board. Ask yourself what would you do if you saw your neighbor giving her sixteen year son a bare bottom spanking in the garage for all the world to see.Aspecial you knew she did not believe in spanking. I am shocked your son did not make a fuss maybe he was use to getting spanked anywhere any place. Keep on spanking your kids if that what you want to do but keep it private meaning if you have to spank your kids when people are around if it is there friends then send them home.Then spank them If it is adults wait to the adults leave and spank away.Ad for giving it up and letting your husband to it I do not think so I am not saying your husband been should stop I believe you both should keep on doing it but in private. You do not have to force your idea's on other people just like it's not right for your neighbor it force her idea's on you. Keep this in mind what people can't see is better you and your family. good luck
May 03, 2011
Yes we spank by: Joan
Yes we spank our kids. We use a belt and they get spanked naked. I think you are fine spanking your son as long as you're not using the buckle end or whipping his penis. Tell your neighbor to mind her own business.
Apr 12, 2011
Agree with neighbor by: Anonymous
You honestly think it's okay to spank your teenagers with a belt on bare skin is appropriate? I totally disagree with your methods! That is demeaning and humiliating! That is a lazy way of parenting - a quick fix. I warn you that whether you realize it or not, you are creating problems for your children down the road. It is possible that you are psycologically damaging them and you may be setting them up for failure with relationships with others. I'm not saying that spanking is compelety wrong, but using something other than your hand on the bare skin is just harmful! They may be abusive in the bedroom when they are older. I think it's sick what you are doing and I'm appauled by it! I can't believe the authorities thought it was acceptable! I agree with your concerned neighbor. I would've done the same thing.
Mar 01, 2011
Do you spank-interfering neighbor by: Anonymous
I see you live in Texas. We do too, and in our children's school, paddling is allowed and given!We also spank, and feel comfortable with our right to discipline the way we choose. Ignore this neighbor, and do as you have done. If your school paddles-maybe she ,the neighbor, has some problem and takes it out on the new folks. By the way, our state allows spankings by using a belt, you can go on-line and see it's ok!
