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Johnny, a 32
year-old father, describes his home as a "battleground",
with his two children, Jimmy, 7 and Iris, 6 always at
the wrestling arena over the slightest problem.
Johnny says
that Jimmy has always been green-eyed of his younger sister.
He hates every bit of attention and time that they give
to Iris. "He complains that we give him ugly toys and
that he doesn't like it if we take her sister's side during
their fight."
The resigned
father adds, "There's another problem. Now that Iris is
older, she's beginning to mimic her brother's behaviour
and attitude. She always throws tantrums when she feels
that she did not get the better toy. She uses crying as
her fatal weapon. My wife and I don't know what to do
with their never-ending squabbling."
Johnny's family
is only one of the many families confronting sibling rivalry
issues. Many myths surrounding this subject have been
created. Some parents think it is only natural for siblings
to have rivalries and that they should not get involved.
Many others
believe that their children will outgrow their endless
bickering and that they can do nothing about it.
As a matter
of fact, relationships between siblings are usually shaped
by their parents' actions and attitudes. If left unnoticed,
sibling rivalry can seriously damage the self-image of
a child. It may also have a negative impact on lifelong
sibling relationships.
Help Your
Children Get Along
Of course,
it is almost impossible to get rid of all sibling rivalry.
But you can follow these practical steps to help siblings
get along:
Don't Ignore,
Intervene
Intercede when
your children start arguing. You must be involved and
make them realize the importance of respecting each other.
But you must remember to take everything gently and calmly.
Your children will not change their behaviour if they
feel you have punished them unfairly.
If left unnoticed,
sibling rivalry can seriously damage the self-image of
a child. It may also have a negative impact on lifelong
sibling relationships.
Be Fair
You need to
play fair as children are often envious of each other
if they feel that they do not receive equal attention
from their parents. Show that you love your children equally.
Do not label or compare your children. Avoid saying "Your
brother/sister is much better at behaving." Be sensitive.
Know what your children are feeling. You must accept each
of them, in spite of differences.
Age Doesn't
Matter
While it is
natural for parents to expect more of an older child,
assigning responsibilities or privileges based only on
age can spark sibling rivalry. Telling the older child,
"Stop fighting with your brother - you're the older one
and I expect you to have more sense!" will leave him the
feeling that he is treated unfairly. He may strike back
even more.
Listen
Your children
will quarrel less if they feel their concerns are listened
to. Listen to both sides and ask for suggestions. Talk
to your children and listen to their suggestions. Do not
interrupt them while talking.
Spend Time
with Your Children
Spend more
quality time with your children as it always pay off in
the end. Spending time with them will soften the rivalry,
forming strong and positive sibling relationships.
Getting along
with siblings can be very difficult for a child. Parents
should foster harmonious relationships between their children.
They should also maintain a good parent-child relationship.
1) Prepare
Your Child Early
Tell your child
that they will have a baby brother/sister soon. Positive
parent-child interaction should start during the pregnancy.
2) Comfort
Your Child
You should
comfort a child who appears in distress or anxious. Older
siblings may suddenly want more attention, play in the
crib, and be carried more. You should be very patient.
3) Be Honest
During the
pregnancy, make it very clear to your child that raising
a new baby is no easy task, that having a baby will require
lots of your attention, time, and effort.
4) Don't
Make Big Changes
Don't change
your child's daily routine close to the arrival of the
baby.
5) Involve
Your Child
Let your child
help you in preparing for the arrival of the baby. This
will make him closer to the baby.
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