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Shyness is
a phenomenon that we all have experienced at some points
in our life. However, it is something that must not be
ignored. Shyness in childhood can be a normal behaviour;
it can also be an emotional disorder.
Also defined
as fear, shyness in children is a result of low level
of self-confidence, being laughed at by parents, siblings,
friends and others, lack of a strong parent-child bond,
and low level of self-esteem.
Shyness can
negatively affect a child's life. This effect can be carried
into adulthood, in which socialising becomes a major issue.
A shy child avoids social situations as much as possible
and somewhat fears interaction with unfamiliar people.
He grows disliking being the centre of attention and preferring
to be alone most of the time.
What Drives
Shyness?
In general,
those children having difficulty adjusting to change are
likely to become shy;
Parental influence
is also a major driver for shyness;
Inconsistent
parenting can result in shyness in childhood. Inconsistency
means becoming overly involved in a child's life in some
occasions, then uninvolved at other times. This inconsistency
makes the child feel insecure, which eventually can result
in shyness;
Also defined
as fear, shyness in children is a result of low level
of self-confidence, being laughed at by parents, siblings,
friends and others, lack of a strong parent-child bond,
and low level of self-esteem.
Insecurity
causes low self-esteem, which consequently leads to chronic
shyness. Children will see himself in a negative light
if he is always threatened, criticised, and laughed at;
and
Overprotection
by parents can also lead to a shy child. As a consequence,
the child avoids mingling with others and experiences
independency.
The Usual
Results
There are three
common outcomes of shyness:
1) A shy child
will have trouble in either making or sustaining new friends.
Usually, such child is categorised as being arrogant,
causing other children to stay away from him.
2) Since a
shy child struggles to express his emotions, he bottles
them up instead. This keeps him from asking help from
his teachers, which eventually causes academic underachievement.
3) A shy child
generally fails to learn effective communication skills.
As a result, he has difficulty interacting with others.
This serious problem usually goes into adulthood.
We parents
should be very much aware of our children's shyness. We
need to make an effort to support them overcome such fear.
OVERCOMING
SHYNESS
- Be Very Supportive
and Encouraging
:You should
recognise your child's effort to become sociable and independent.
- Pay More
Attention
:Listen every
time your child speaks and maintain eye contact. Do not
ignore him or let your attention wander off as this will
result in a feeling of inadequacy.
- Avoid Using
Force
:Do not use
any force or intentionally make your child ashamed of
his shyness because this will only worsen the situation.
- Don't Embarrass
Your Child
:Embarrassing
your child will only reinforce his shyness. Do not also
compare him with other children.
- Give Your
Child Exposure:Your child needs some exposure to different
activities and social situations. Here, he will learn
to eventually lose his fear by interacting freely.
- ¤ Involve
Yourself
:You need to
be involved in your child's activities as much as possible
until he gains enough confidence.
- Share Your
Experiences
:Parents are
role models to children. Thus, when your child is aware
of your experience, he will feel secure and comforted.
You should tell him that you were once a shy person and
that you have overcome the fear.
- Avoid the
'Shy' Word
:Don't call
your child as 'shy' in front of other people. Doing so
will only worsen the situation as the child begins to
see himself as shy.
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