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Many parents
find it really challenging to cultivate their children's
individuality. After all, it is only natural for them
to feel that they should always be at their children's
side, to provide their needs, to shield them from danger,
and to nourish them both physically and emotionally.
But we give
so much fuss when our children can perform tasks independently.
Certainly, there is nothing wrong in wanting to express
our love for them in practical ways. Unfortunately, it
does not help when we 'smother' our children!
Let Them Do
It! The ideal period to teach children responsibility
and nurture independence is during their early years.
Your children try to copy you as soon as they are born.
Young children try out tasks reserved for adults, eagerly
taking on new challenges.
To learn to
be independent is to establish autonomy. Being independent
makes children feel a very strong sense of self-esteem.
Children are feeling good about themselves when they make
their own choices. This means that pride in themselves
is the greatest motivator.
Enhancing Your
Child's Self-Reliance: A Practical Guide
There are
many practical ways to teach your child self-reliance:
1) Set Up
Rules and Limits.
Teach your
child to be more responsible for his toys and room. Always
remind him to put his toys to their proper places before
the day ends or after playing. Segregate toys according
to type to help your child locate things more easily.
Storage boxes will help.
2) Organise
Your Household.
Organise your
household to help your child help himself. Provide an
environment that fosters independence. Place the garbage
bins and laundry basket where your child can easily access
them. Put clothes in lower sections of drawers to encourage
him to choose his own. Putting cutlery and on lower drawers
and shelves will encourage your child to choose his own
eating utensils or to help set the table.
3) Anticipate
Messes and Spills.
When children
feed themselves, expect spills all over. If you impose
tidiness and neatness, your child will not learn to do
it himself. You can limit messes and spills by giving
your child eating utensils that are not difficult to use.
You can also provide him enough space for him to feed
himself, and a space where you can clean the spills easily.
4) Assign
Housework .
Allow your
child to help with household tasks and give them simple,
age-appropriate chores. If he becomes interested in helping
you hang out the laundry, have him hang handkerchiefs,
socks, and other small items to a rack low enough for
him to reach. You can ask your child to sort socks and
handkerchief according to colour while you do the folding.
5) Learn
By Experience.
Give your child
the opportunity to decide for himself and to cope with
the consequences. If he always forgets to take his pencil
to school, rushing it to him always will not work. Your
child must take responsibility for his own actions, and
h has to learn from his own mistakes even if it means
facing the consequences. You should work out a plan with
your child to help him remember the pencil.
6) Slowly
but Surely.
Introduce tasks
gradually, one simple step at a time. For example, for
a start, have your two year-old son to put his shorts
on. If the child puts his two legs into one hole, say
to him that that is a problem. Then ask him how he solves
it. Guide him through the entire problem solving process.
The whole point
is to make your child feel responsible and that he is
important and can be trusted. Usually, we don't trust
our children when we assign them to do things themselves.
We must give
our children time to gain their confidence without criticising
them. We must also allow them to make mistakes from time
to time, so that they are even more ready to try. Unfortunately,
we are not prepared to admit their faults.
The hardest
part is to let a child struggle on his own and make a
mess. For one, it consumes a lot of time and slows down
everything. Usually, we become impatient and end up completing
the task for our children. By doing so, we do not respect
our child's desire for independence.
The Child's
Concept Of Self
Our children
learn something through practice and repetition, through
trial and error. In time, they will become more competent.
We should allow
our children to experience the feeling of success and
failure, which largely contributes to their development
of self-concept.
It may be very
difficult for us to witness our children fall and get
up with their first few steps. The thing is, they are
more resilient than we give our children credit for.
You must be
very patient while they struggle. Give them enough time
to put their shorts on or tie their own shoelaces.
Many children
are so much determined to finish a task on their own that
they will reject their parents' initial help. Always assure
them that you are on their side. Don't be upset when they
shun your assistance. Give them the satisfaction to do
things for themselves, even when tasks are often not properly
done.
A Long and
Windy Road Ahead
Don't feel
you burden your child when you assign him household tasks.
Bear in mind that you are giving him an opportunity to
contribute to the family in very ways. In addition, working
alongside with your child builds intimacy and fosters
open parent-child communication.
Nurturing independence
is a difficult process for parents. Such process will
last well when their children grow. As they mature, you
need to understand their decisions by listening to them.
Listen to what they think about the chores. You also need
to talk it through, allowing them to communicate their
feelings of anger, apprehension, and doubt, if any.
How parents
respond to their children's initial efforts to attain
independence establishes how children see themselves early
in their lives. In the long term, they will become self-sufficient
individuals who are capable of helping themselves, and
others as well.
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