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| How
to communicate your expectations effectively without
giving a speech. He provides specific tips and simple
techniques you can use. |
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| Want
to change a behavior problem quickly? Focus on the
behavior, not the feelings. James Lehman explains
the difference between actions and attitudes in
kids, and how to be specific with your child to
help him change inappropriate behavior faster. |
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Actions ARE louder than words.
Ever feel like your child tunes out every word you
say? You may be surprised to know that he pays keen
attention to your actions. James Lehman explains
what to do when you want to change a childs behavior
quickly. |
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Use
Strategic Recognition and Affection
Remind the child of how well they handled a similar
situation, or link a recent success to the current
conflict. I'll give you an example of that. If my
boss comes to me and says, James, you've been doing
a good job. BUT, I know that he's going to talk
about something bad. But if my boss says to me,
James, you've been doing a good job AND, I start
listening louder. |
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Feedback: This Behavior
Doesn't Solve Your Problem. This is very important
when kids are doing some behavior, you know, not
one certainly that's assaultive or violent, but
just some inappropriate, resistant, antagonistic
behavior Maybe defiant to authority; maybe not
following through on things, resisting following
through on tasks, those kinds of behaviorsĦI think
it's important for you to be able to state to
that kid, give that kid feedback, This behavior's
not solving your problem. You know, if your problem
is you want to go outside and play, this behavior's
not solving it. It's just putting it off and putting
it off. Or, If your problem is you want to go
play some video games or you want to go online,
refusing to do your homework or working really
slowly is not solving that problem.
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| The
next time things are calm around your house and
everything's going well, sit down and say to your
child, Listen, I've been having a problem lately
with the fact that I have to keep coming after you
to get things done, and I have to keep following
up with you. It's almost becomes my responsibility
to get this stuff done. So, from now on, I'm only
going to tell you to do it once. |
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