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Aggression and anger are quite normal during the process of growing up. A certain amount of aggression and anger may not be all that bad. Without them, a child may be reluctant to stand up for himself. When uncontrolled, problem arises. Nobody is born with uncontrollable anger problems and most anger is short lived as a response to some frustrating or abusive situation.

Anger in young children

Anger in younger children is normally expressed through tantrums and shouting. The goal is to get attention, whether good or bad ones. Once the attention is given, you can expect the child to use these tactics again and again to get what he wants. Ignoring the child is often the best way to deal with such behavior.

Signs of Aggression

- Does your child get into fights very often
- Is he/she verbally abusive?
- Does he/she resolve conflict by force?
- Does he/she shout and scream very often?
- Does he/she break toys very often than other children?
- Does he/she get into arguments for very minor things?
- Is he/she physically violent?
- Does he/she threaten peers and siblings?

The above list is a mere evaluation of your child's behavior. Should you sense and feel that your child fits into the category of being aggressive, you need to find a solution.

Finding a solution usually involves some self evaluation on the parent's part. Our child watches and learns from us all the time!

- Write down some aggressive behavior that your find in yourself. Could your child 'got it' from you? This is hard to swallow but often is usually the root cause.

- Analyze the television programs that he/she has been watching. Are they too violent?

- Finds out what books, computer games, and internet games he/she is expose to.

What should parents do or don't? Being a role model,

- Do not give hurtful comments about anyone - your spouse, in-laws, friends, etc,..
- Do not curse and swear in front of your children
- Do not fight in front of your children. It's easy to pick up a fight when emotions get heated up. Watch out for this!
- Do not use violence to settle dispute among children. Try using discussion and mediation instead.
- If disciplining a child involves using the rod, always follow through with an explanation on why the action was taken. Ask the child if he/she thinks the actions/behaviors are desirable. Note the response and reason with him/her.

So, what can parents do now?

The earlier we understand and control our child's aggressive behavior, the higher the chance of getting him/her back on track. Observe your child's behavior for a week and make notes about your observations. Once you know the triggers, you can eliminate as much as you can.

Aggressive behaviors in children can be changed. Below are some steps that parents can take.

Express your love physically and verbally. Let your child know that you care and wants to listen to him/her.

Establish rules. Use a 'good behavior chart'. Put it where your child can see it most often.

When punishment is necessary, always explain to your child the rationale behind your action. Use withdrawal of privileges, e.g, no TV or computer games.

Talk to the school teachers and let them know what you plan to do. Teachers can align with you on your 'redemptive efforts' .