Aggression
and anger are quite normal during the process of growing
up. A certain amount of aggression and anger may not
be all that bad.
Without them, a
child may be reluctant to stand up for himself. When
uncontrolled, problem arises.
Nobody is born with
uncontrollable anger problems and most anger is short
lived as a response to some frustrating or abusive
situation.
Anger
in young children
Anger
in younger children is normally expressed through
tantrums and shouting. The goal is to get attention,
whether good or bad ones. Once the attention is given,
you can expect the child to use these tactics again
and again to get what he wants. Ignoring the child
is often the best way to deal with such behavior.
Signs
of Aggression
- Does
your child get into fights very often
- Is he/she verbally abusive?
- Does he/she resolve conflict by force?
- Does he/she shout and scream very often? - Does
he/she break toys very often than other children?
- Does he/she get into arguments for very minor things?
- Is he/she physically violent?
- Does he/she threaten peers and siblings?
The above list is a
mere evaluation of your child's behavior. Should you
sense and feel that your child fits into the category
of being aggressive, you need to find a solution.
Finding
a solution usually involves some self evaluation on
the parent's part. Our child watches and learns from
us all the time!
- Write
down some aggressive behavior that your find in yourself.
Could your child 'got it' from you? This is hard to
swallow but often is usually the root cause.
- Analyze
the television programs that he/she has been watching.
Are they too violent?
- Finds
out what books, computer games, and internet games
he/she is expose to.
What
should parents do or don't? Being a role model,
- Do not
give hurtful comments about anyone - your spouse,
in-laws, friends, etc,..
- Do not curse and swear in front of your children
- Do not fight in front of your children. It's easy
to pick up a fight when emotions get heated up. Watch
out for this!
- Do not use violence to settle dispute among children.
Try using discussion and mediation instead.
- If disciplining a child involves using the rod,
always follow through with an explanation on why the
action was taken. Ask the child if he/she thinks the
actions/behaviors are desirable. Note the response
and reason with him/her.
So,
what can parents do now?
The earlier
we understand and control our child's aggressive behavior,
the higher the chance of getting him/her back on track.
Observe your child's behavior for a week and make
notes about your observations. Once you know the triggers,
you can eliminate as much as you can. Aggressive behaviors
in children can be changed.
Below
are some steps that parents can take.
- Express
your love physically and verbally. Let your child
know that you care and wants to listen to him/her.
- Establish
rules. Use a 'good behavior chart'. Put it where your
child can see it most often.
- When
punishment is necessary, always explain to your child
the rationale behind your action. Use withdrawal of
privileges, e.g, no TV or computer games.
- Talk
to the school teachers and let them know what you
plan to do. Teachers can align with you on your 'redemptive
efforts' .
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