5 y/0 misbehaving on bus & no one wants to sit with him
It sounds like my kindergardener is acting obnoxious and crazy on the bus. He says he wants everyone to think he's "funny and cool." He's actually a very sensitive kid, and it sounds like it's very important to him that kids like him.
Now he ostracized himself because no one wants to sit by him. I've encouraged him to stay calm and behave, but he says he "forgets." Then he comes home, cries, and wants to be alone because no one likes him.
Now there is an older boy who acts up too, but in different ways and is much more worldly than my son. The older boy wants to sit by my kindergartener, who is thrilled to have a "Big Kid's" attention. So now it sounds like they're both wild together.
How should I approach this? The bus is full, and there is just the driver as supervisor. I think my son needs to learn that he has to act appropriately, but it hurts me to see him crying because "no one likes me." And I don't like him sitting with this older boy. I could not let him ride the bus, but I don't think this would help him develop. But we're at a standstill now. Please help!
Comments for
5 y/0 misbehaving on bus & no one wants to sit with him
Any time! Sounds like you and I are a lot alike. I didn't have a mom who really gave a hoot, at least not until after men, alcohol, and work, then my little sister and then if there was any of her left over to go around other than her wrath, I got that! So needless to say I have broken a lot dysfunctional family cycles in my attempt to make certain that my boys always, always know that they are loved AND wanted, that they come first along with Daddy, and that they always know that they bring me more joy in life than anything. Unfortunately, in my quest to make sure those things were accomplished, I went a little overboard! So I feel your pain. I cried off and on for quite awhile when they would leave for Kindergarten in the mornings. It just felt so weird to know that I was trusting somebody else to make sure that they were safe, warm, happy, all of that. Now, I actually have learned to look forward to my time during the day while they are at school. And just to show you how far I have really come, I used to think that Mom's that looked forward to this were horrible, horrible creatures! Uh, did I mention I used to be a little judgmental as well! I love getting older now that I see how much better we that learn from our mistakes get as we age or should I say grow? Keep up the good work and let me know if you ever need an ear or a shoulder. I know how much that can mean, especially from somebody who is not emotionally involved or critical of us!
Jan 16, 2009
the bus ride by: Anonymous
Hi Terri, I really appreciate your comment. Believe me, I would love to rescue him from the situation. Being overly sensitive myself, it's really hard to see when my child's hurting. I know I need to practice "letting go" alittle. He's adapted to kindergarten better than I have! But I want him to develop into a kid who can handle himself appropriatly and have confidence in himself. I think I'm going to have my son try another week on the bus and see if he could handle himself better. And then I'll bring it to the bus driver's attention and see what she suggests. Thank's alot
Jan 16, 2009
Let Go a Little by: Terri Bland
Hi there. My name is Terri. I am the mother of Hunter 10 and Brandon 8. Hunter has ADHD and Type I Diabetes. He was diagnosed officially with ADHD at 5, although we pretty much "knew" by age 3. The type I Diabetes was diagnosed at age 6. Brandon had a nine day stay in the NICU at birth due to some mystery respiratory diagnosis, i.e. nobody knew why he was having difficulties! Turns out our home during the pregnancy and for 3 years subsequently had black mold in fan housing unit of the dual a/c and heater unit, so every time the heat or a/c came on it was blowing spores into our breathing air. So due to being a good housekeeper (pay attention here) I was not, of course, able to detect the presence of mold in the home without expensive air quality testing. So needless to say I have had a full plate and have tried oh so hard to do my best to be a good, responsible mom. We have had to some family counseling, individual and marriage. Well, you can just imagine the look on my face when the professional told me that I really needed to let go and not do everything for my kids, let them do more for themselves - at school and at home. It has been extremely hard and a long process, but they were right. I was really suffocating the boys with my need and desire to take good care of them.
Now, that is my story and I am not saying that it applies to you, but it might. What I have started doing with issues at school is trying first to let them work it out on their own. When they do, their sense of pride and accomplishment is palpable! When either they have tried and are still having problems or it is not appropriate for them to handle a situation, I try communicating with the school personnel involved, asking first for their version of events that are going on and next for any suggestions on how to handle it and ultimately let them handle it if they can and want to. My boys, especially my oldest had gotten to the point of just assuming that Mommy would come in and set everyone straight and take care of it. I tell you what, that was not healthy for him and it didn't make me any friends with the school personnel!
Letting the kids and school personnel handle it with only little input, mainly just bringing something to their attention, from me has worked out incredibly. Try talking to the bus driver and see how he suggests handling it. If you feel comfortable with this plan of action, then let go a little bit and see how it works out.
Sorry, I know I am wordy, but that's my personality!:-) Always have to give the history, who's, what's and why's! :-) Hope this helps! Sincerely, Terri
