What do i do??? My 7 year old is lieing, stealing from class mates, hurting friends, telling them she's going to beat up their dads. She's been in the office several times, she knows better, knows shes acting badly and is sorry, but seems to get mad and angry and forgets the rules and is just plain mean! She does ok at home, but is in constant trouble at the store, church friends houses and at school, Her father and i talk to her, read her the bible, spanking does not seem to bother her more than an hour or so after, she's in trouble again.........What do we do?
Comments for
1st grader acting very badly. christian home!
Tracy,
It is obvious that the only one who had a nerve struck here was you. Terri WAS trying to give sound advice. Maybe the first question struck a nerve with you, but the second question is a legitimate one. Many times parents come on here asking for advice and literally have not had their child checked out by any professional. So in a parent telling you that they did not note whether you had done so yet or not implies respect at not jumping to conclusions. And after she struck that nerve in you, you went on to insult her, albeit passive aggressively. And you definitely do seem to have that self-righteous attitude that too many so-called Christians have. Here this woman is trying to explain her childs issues to prove that she was only trying to give you advice and you turn around and condescendingly try to give her advice? She sounds like she has it all under control. You are the one who is out of control. Your daughter sounds like she is merely mimicking the violent, physical behavior that is being forced on her at home by her bully parents. I am one of those anti-spanking people. Any adult that hits a child to demonstrate his/her authority is is showing that child that it is okay to act out in that way. You are teaching her that violence is justified every time you strike her and tell her that it is not only her own fault, but that you are justified in doing so. This so typical of parents who spank. They all whine and cry and want to know, "What is wrong with my sweet little angel?" Nothing is wrong with her. Monkey see, monkey do. If you want feel good excuses, and pats on the back and for somebody to come back and tell you what a wonderful parent you are, and have pity on you due to your perfectly parented yet still misbehaved child, then yep, your in the wrong place. If you want honest advice and the reasoning that goes along with it, then stick around.
And for TERRI -kudos to you for continuing to try to explain to this woman that you were only trying to help. I would not have given her the time of day.
May 20, 2009
Clarification by: Terri
Hi Traci,
Please let me clarify. I am not lashing out at you. I was only trying to give the advice that you sought. My son exhibited the symptoms that you have shared about your daughter. I would hate to see any parent go through the guilt that I went through when I thought that it was just simply bad behavior as well. Only to find out later that the first time the poor little guy had a chemical imbalance in his brain that causes ADHD. Believe me when I say that I am not one to jump on a diagnosis. I made sure that we exhausted all possibilities of parental fault, i.e. individual counselling, marriage counseling, family counseling etc., because I do not believe in just throwing a diagnosis and a pill at every problem. And I definitely do not believe in blaming children for what often amounts to parental shortcomings. It was only when he entered the school system and had tremendous difficulty in math and fine motor skills (signs of true ADHD) that I realized that he wasn't just simply being defiant to be defiant. Kids with true ADHD also have the problem that you said that your daughter demostrated - the seeming to not learn from previous discipline or seeming not to care if she did remember. Whereas most children touch the "hot stove" only once and learn, children with ADHD just keep going back for more. Also, Type I Diabetics or any diabetic with out-of-control blood sugar can demonstrate seemingly defiant even violent behavior. So believe me when I say, it was truly advice.
Please remember, with the written or e-mailed word, one does not have the benefit of facial expression, vocal naunces etc. My first post was genuinely just a question. My second, I was definitely hurt at your response. At any rate, take from the lessons that I have learned or don't. Like I said, I just hate to see you beat yourself up if you find out her behavior was due to something physical and beyond her control - especially if the punishments are escalating. If it is indeed just defiance and pushing the envelope, so to speak, then have no worries, she probably will grow out of it. I will pray for you as well, that the answers you seek will come to you.
May 20, 2009
Christian Soldier........ by: Traci
Hi Anonymous,
It seems to me that you are stressed. Not only did your first comment seem (to me) very quick to call me out on a couple of things. Sorry if I struck a nerve with you, and apparently I did, when I did the same thing you did. As for the name calling, I did not call you any name, I simply stated I wanted good christian advise and that is not what I got at all. Instead you seem to have PLENTY of time to lash-out, you just don't like it when I said my opinon, by not wanting negitive, rude, and maybe hateful peoples advise. You took that on yourself to be those things even further. I don't really feel this page is really worth any more of my time. This was suppose to help and or give me a few ideas to read for helping my family and that doesn't seem to be the case at all. I will pray for you though, But will not comment again. Sorry to hear about your childs obsticels in this life. I will be praying for him/her too. As for you, I have a few friends that also have children with the same afflictions, they are in a support group. I would strongly recommend you to look into some sort of program, families of ADHD or Diabetes children. It could help you. I have seen it take stresses and anger out of families. Good Luck!
May 19, 2009
Not negative, rude.... by: Anonymous
Hi Traci, I am not negative, rude, or hateful, I just asked a simple question. You would obviously be surprised by how many Christians truly do believe this way. I am a Christian also, but a realist at the same time. God gives all of us our own crosses to bear. It was truly meant as sound advice. I have 10 year old with both ADHD and Diabetes. And with my own crosses to bear, I hardly have time for negativity or rudeness! And now I don't have time for this either, that is time to be insulted. Be thankful the anti-spanking people didn't respond - they are about as negative, rude and hateful as you seem to be. So please be careful with your name calling, Christian Soldier! Geez! At least all that I did was ask a question, so now I ask you another one, who is the negative, rude and possibly hateful person here?
May 19, 2009
Firm in what I believe in... by: Traci
Not at all the case, I never felt as if i were exempt from any problems. I simply stated we are a Christian home, and practice daily healthy, good choices. I wanted good christian advise. Not negitive, rude and maybe hateful people to put there two cents in on my wording of this pley for advise only. Maybe she does have some sort of problem further. Her doctor seems to think it is simply a stage of her life she is going through. I believe she is seeing if she will get by with acting out, I just don't want her to grow up thinking rude behavior is acceptable. Because I do not feel rude people are very happy people. I only wanted advise, but thanks for trying.
May 19, 2009
Confused? by: Anonymous
I am sorry, but there are a couple of things that have truly confounded me regarding your post. First, are you implying that because you have a "Christian" home that you thought you should be exempt from defiant, willful children? And second I didn't see anywhere that you have taken her for any kind of physical and mental evaluations by pediatric specialists. She could possibly have a chemical imbalance causing behavioral health issues or even possibly a physical diagnosis with behavioral problems simply as the symptom, i.e., sometimes when a diabetic's blood sugar goes nutty, the patient does as well. You might do well to have her checked out at least by her pediatrician first, then see what he recommends
